(a father approaches the door labeled ‘Closed For Business’ holdin2x04 The Fairy Godparents Jobg his daughter in his arms)
Father: Help me. Somebody, please, help! Hey! (pounds on door) Open the door! Please! She can't breathe!
Guard (inside): Can't you see the sign, pal?
(a sign next to the door reads ‘CLINIC PERMANANTLY CLOSED’)
Father (sees nurse through the windows): Over here!
Kay: Hey! Unlock the damn door! (goes to window) Asthma?
Father: Yeah, her inhaler's not working.
(guard unlocks the door as the nurse goes to a shelf and grabs a tray of supplies before returning to the door and pushing past the guard)
Kay: Get out of my way. Call for an ambulance.
Father: What do I do?
Kay: Get her on the ground, but keep her upright. This inhaler's gonna relax her muscles... (hands him an inhaler)
Father: Okay. (uses the inhaler on the little girl)
Kay: ...while the epinephrine (gives her a shot) opens the airway.
(the little girl begins breathing again)
Father: There you go. Oh, thank God. Thank you.
Kay: She could've died. I mean, she would've died.
Nate: Well, she-she was very lucky you were there.
Kay: No, luck shouldn't have anything to do with it. You know, the clinic never should have closed.
(Parker sits down and pushes a drink toward the nurse)
Kay: And it's all my fault.
Nate: Hey, it's- it's not your fault. There's no way you could've seen this coming.
Kay: No, I was the one that recommended Mr. Fowler to our board of directors. You know, he told me that the fund would double our clinic's money in a year. I believed him.
Parker: It's okay. (reaches out to touch the nurse’s hand) We all do stupid things sometimes.
Nate: No, uh, she... Um, how did you meet Daniel Fowler?
Kay: I only volunteer at the clinic on weekends. My day job is at Dalton Academy. It's that private school up near Brighton. And I'm the on-site nurse there. And Fowler's stepson is a student there. He's a sweet kid. Allergic to strawberries.
Parker: That's ironic.
Parker: Because he's sweet.
Nate: Yeah, uh...
Kay: A lot of the parents had money invested with him. And I figured you know, if they could trust him, then we could, too.
Nate: Okay, well, here's the thing. The government has frozen Fowler's assets. So you'll get the money back eventually.
Kay: No, the clinic is out of time. The board has put the property up for sale next week.
Nate: That's not gonna happen. I promise.
Kay: Sorry. Um... It's just really hard to trust people right now, you know?
Parker: That's okay. We don't trust you either. So...
Nate: No, she didn't...
Kay: Thank you for your time. (leaves)
Parker: That went super.
Nate: Oh, God. Where is Sophie?
Boyfriend: Thanks for meeting me this morning.
Sophie: Sweetheart, listen, I know you're crazy busy. It's final-exam time and everything but I was thinking this weekend we should definitely, (touches his collar) definitely check out the Venetian exhibit—
Boyfriend (catches her hand): I don't think so. I don't think that this is working out.
Sophie (pulls her hand away): Babe. Listen, I know that, you know, I travel a lot with my job.
Boyfriend: It's not that. Um, listen. We talk all the time but it never feels like you're actually sharing anything. As great as you are, there's always a mask. I just don't know who you really are, Catherine. I got a class. (stands up)
(when Sophie doesn’t answer, he leaves)
Sophie: Or Alice... Karen, Michelle... Elizabeth...
Hardison: Hey. This looks like an ordinary cell phone, right? It's not, man. It's a metal detector. See, it uses pulse-induction technology that sends out a current that generates a magnetic field and then-- Are you even listening?
Hardison: Well, what did I say?
Eliot: You were explaining how you're still a virgin.
Nate: ...isn't a kind of skill. Talking to clients. You're supposed to sympathize.
Eliot: I told you not to take her.
Nate: Well, you were right. Where's Sophie?
Eliot: I don't know.
Nate: Well, we're not waiting. Let's go. Let's start.
Hardison (pulls up info on monitors): Daniel Fowler, 61, C.E.O. of FTP Fidelity. Now, this is the largest private-investment firm in the state, up until about three weeks ago. This whole thing was blown as a big Ponzi scheme. And I'm not talking crooked investments. I mean stone-cold con. There was never any fund, no trades, no real accounts. The clinic lost everything.
Nate: 10 years, this guy wore all the right suits and filed all the right papers with the S.E.C. Nobody looked twice.
Hardison: Well, as soon as the FBI figured it out, they slapped a little house arrest on him and they froze all his assets. I'm talking corporate accounts personal accounts, real-estate holdings. Anything on planet earth with this dude's name on it is on ice.
Eliot: The FBI's very thorough, huh?
Parker: So what'd they miss?
Hardison: Oh. $20 million. They moved it off the books right before the warrants came down.
Nate: Yeah, well, he knew the end was near, and he was getting ready to bolt. Tell me something, were was Fowler arrested?
Hardison: Oh, in his apartment, packing for his "business trip" to the Maldives.
Nate: You see, he'd need it light, portable, close at hand. That $20 million is in his apartment.
Eliot: Yeah, but this guy's on house arrest, man. I mean, he's practically living with the FBI.
Sophie: The problem is not getting into the apartment, but getting them out.
Nate: Where were you?
Sophie: Oh. I-I was running an errand.
Parker: Weren't you with the boyfriend?
Sophie: So, um, what are the terms of his house arrest?
Hardison: Fowler's confined to his $6 million penthouse overlooking the Charles River.
Eliot: Yeah, that's a rough punishment, huh?
Hardison: The whole place is outfitted with 24/7 surveillance so the feds can keep an eye on him. Now, (hits button) we can, too. I piggybacked on their wireless feed.
Sophie: Still, for us to get in and search the place, we've got to get rid of Fowler.
Nate: Now, there are three general exceptions for house arrest. There's personal safety, death of a relative, and family events.
Eliot: Personal safety. We could burn the apartment down.
Parker: Ooh! Ooh!
Eliot: Or death of a relative.
Nate: Uh, w- who's that?
Hardison: Oh. Oh, the kid. Kid's from her first marriage. Widmark.
Eliot: Oh, I'm sorry. "Widmark"?
Hardison: Rich people, man.
Nate: Oh, can you, uh, punch in on that, please?
Fowler: Do you have any respect for your personal property? Do you have any respect for me? I bought you that cell phone.
Claudine: Dan. He said he was sorry.
Fowler: Yeah. He's sorry, all right. I'd ground you, but you don't have any friends to go out with anyway. (walks away)
Claudine: I'm gonna talk to him. I'll be right back.
Nate: Wow. Okay. What do we got on the kid?
Hardison: Widmark Fowler, age 10. No arrests. No outstanding warrants.
Hardison: He's a fifth-grade student at Dalton Academy. Academically unexceptional. No extracurriculars. He's allergic to strawberries.
Parker (laughs): Strawberries...
Nate: Judges give out day passes for family events. It's one of the three things, right? So Fowler is going to ask for one so he doesn't miss his kid's big debut.
Hardison: Okay, I'll bite. What's he debuting as?
Nate: Yeah, I don't know. But we're gonna go steal his school and find out.
Secretary: A mister Ando Buhari is here.
Jerrod: I don't have any appointments.
Secretary: I know. Do you want--
Hardison: Oh, Dr. Jerrod. Dr. Jerrod, come. (hugs him) It's-- ahhh. It's a pleasure. I am Anando Buhari, Botswana special envoy. I work for president Khama. He is most impressed when he read your paper you wrote as a student. How do you say, your, um... (pulls out thick paper) The, that, these--
Jerrod: The president of Botswana read my grad-school thesis?
Hardison: Yes! All 600 glorious pages from which insight drips like honey upon which bees of wisdom feast. The president is rebuilding the educational system from the ground up. Would you consider going to Botswana to meet him? (holds out tickets) All expenses paid, of course.
(the secretary brings in a stack of files and places them in the inbox on the desk)
Jerrod: I... Yes. (grabs the ticket)
(a mob of students is chasing the secretary up the stairs)
Secretary: Everyone, settle down! I assure you everything is under control! Mr. Jerrod just took a leave of absence.
Parent: In the middle of the school year?
Secretary: The school board has already sent over an interim headmaster. Would you be quiet?! (the parents quiet down) And after reading his file I can assure you we are in excellent hands! Dr. Melcher?
Nate (comes down the stairs): Guten Tag. My name is Dr. Melcher. And I presume that you are all familiar with the pre-eminent literature on the children's education, my book, "The Melcher Method," ja? In which case any further introduction would be redundant. I'd like to begin by speaking about the changes we're going to be making in the curriculum.
Sanford: Excuse me.
Secretary: Shh! Shh! Shh!
Nate: Ja, ja?
Sanford: Mark Sanford. I'm head of the concerned parents association.
Nate: That must be very exciting for you.
Sanford: Yes, I'm sure. Why do we need any changes at all? I mean, this is the best private school in Boston.
Nate: Ja, ja.
Secretary: Let him talk!
Nate: The Melcher method involves the education of the whole child-- Mind and body. Ja, when a child fails, is it just the brain that fails? Nein. No, the body contains the failing brain and both are cast into a cruel world of darkness and despair and even worse, public school.
Sanford: Oh, oh, right.
Parent: Public school?
Nate: Dante's inferno of mediocrity. Which is why I bring with me two of my most valued associates. We have mind (looks at Sophie) and body (looks at Eliot). Ja. Ja. Miss Donovan will hone your children's minds. And Mr. Brewer, he will craft your children's bodies into the proper mind-vessels through exercise and nutrition. And any questions?
(the parents explode with questions)
[Apartment above the Fowler’s]
(Parker and Hardison are walking through an empty apartment with a real estate agent)
Real Estate Agent: Open floor plan. 3,200 square feet. Uh, panoramic views of the park and the Charles. Uh, there's a fitness center, a rooftop pool, uh, concierge service. It's the perfect newlywed apartment.
Hardison: Oh, it's, the place, it's fantastical. What do you think, Binky?
Parker (head and shoulders inside ductwork): It's a little small.
Hardison: Th-the apartment, Binky. What do you think of the apartment? We'll take it. She, she loves air.
Nate: Hardison and Parker are all set. Now all we got to do is, uh, give Widmark a triumph worthy of a day pass.
Sophie: A triumph? In what? I mean, in five years, this kid hasn't joined a club, he hasn't played a sport.
Eliot: I've got to be honest with you. I don't know how I feel about using a kid to get to a Mark.
Nate: We're not using him. I mean, every kid is good at something. You know, we just got to draw Widmark out. Give him his moment to shine.
Sophie: Oh, so, we'd be like his fairy godparents.
Nate: Exactly. And, I mean, come on. Look at this. Cushy private school. No gunrunners, mob bosses, Interpol. This is a breeze. We've got one week before the clinic closes for good. Athletics. Academics. Let's go get Widmark the win. All right?
(the students stand in a line dressed in fencing gear)
Eliot: All right, Widmark. Get on the line. You're up.
(Widmark looks at him)
Eliot: Yeah, you're up. Get on the line. Show them what you got, man.
Skyler: I got this...
(Skyler trips Widmark, who falls to the floor)
Eliot: Hey. You. Take your helmet off. What's your name?
Skyler: Skyler Sanford.
Eliot: Sky... Skyler?
Eliot: Is that a boy's name? Don't do that again. Put your hat on. You're up against Wid--
(Eliot sees that Widmark has gotten back on the line)
Eliot: I said get out there, man. Get out here.
(the boys move onto the mat)
Eliot: All right.
(Widmark struggles with his helmet as kids giggle)
Eliot: What are you doing, man? What are you doing? (to kids) Don't laugh! What are you doing? (whispering) There's girls here. You're better than that. Turn your hat around.
(Widmark turns his hat around)
Eliot: All right. (returns to the center) Here we go. En garde. Fence!
(Skylar and Widmark square off and Widmark cannot really defend himself against Skylar’s blows, which set of a beep in the machine behind Widmark with each strike. After a few moments Widmark falls to the ground and Skylar continues to hit him)
Sophie: Next week is the state spelling bee, and we're going to be sending a representative from right here in Dalton. Now, I've chosen the best spellers from every class to compete in the tryouts. The winners will compete in a school-wide competition next Friday. Your parents are gonna be there, it is gonna be huge. Let's get started! (rings bell) Widmark, food.
Widmark: Food. F-O-O-D. Food.
Sophie (to Skyler): Pseudosyllogism.
Skyler: That's not fair. He got "food"!
Sophie: Uh-uh-uh. Skyler. I can assure you that the order of these cards is entirely random. Pseudosyllogism.
Skyler: Um... Pseudosyllogism. S-
(Sophie stops him by ringing a bell)
Skyler: Whatever. (walks away)
Kim: Chylocaulous. C-H-Y-L-O... C-A-U-L-O-U-S. Chylocaulous.
Sophie: That's impressive. Sunset.
Widmark: Sunset. S-U-N...
Kim: Ribonucleic. R-I-B-O-N-U-C-L- E-I-C.
Widmark: B-I-S-I-C-L-E. Bicycle?
Sophie (rings the bell): Antidisestablishmentarianism.
Kim: A-N-T-I D-I-S-E-S-T-A-B-L-I-S-H-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M. Antidisestablishmentarianism.
Sophie: Congratulations, Ms. Kim. (the bell rings) Class dismissed.
(the students move away and Sophie catches up with Widmark before he can leave)
Sophie: Hey, Widmark. Good job.
Widmark: I just got lucky with the words you gave me.
Sophie: Mnh-mnh. Be proud of yourself. The important thing is you tried.
Widmark: I try hard. All the time, but no matter how much I want something, it never happens.
Sophie: Oh, sweetie. What--what do you want?
Widmark: I don't know. I just, I want someone to like me. Does that get easier when you're a grown-up?
Sophie: Um, no. I don't think it does.
Widmark: You're nice. But weird.
Sophie: All right, go on. You're late for class.
(Parker is installing a motion detector above a doorway)
Parker: Stop moving!
Hardison (kneeling for Parker to stand on): Look— it don't have to be exact. Woman, it's a motion detector. Just point it that way.
Parker: Watch out...
(the elevator dings and Parker and Hardison dive for cover behind a plant. Special Agents Taggert and McSweeten walk down the hall to Fowler’s door)
Fowler: What the hell do you guys want?
Taggert: Well, we're having a problem with the signal from camera two again.
(the stair door opens and a hand holding a gun eases out. Parker sees this and dashes across the hall, kicking the door shut. The man drops the gun and Hardison dashes through the door after him as Parker picks the gun up. Taggert and McSweeten come out of Fowler’s apartment, guns drawn)
Taggert: Hey! FBI! Drop the gun!
(the agents recognize Parker)
McSweeten: Special Agent Hagen? It's me. McSweeten. Todd, from the Moscone mob case last year?
Parker: Oh. Yeah!
(Hardison comes out of the stairwell)
Hardison: I lost--
Parker: You dropped this. (hands him the gun)
Hardison: Yeah. I- I didn't even realize. Yes, I dropped it.
Agent Thomas, good to see you again.
Hardison: Right back at you. Um...
Parker: Taggert from the Moscone case.
Hardison: R- right. Right. Right. So, uh, what you all been up to?
Taggert: Well, actually, we've had a pretty good run of it lately. Closed some big cases.
Taggert: Moscone, for one.
McSweeten: Moscone, no more-ne.
Taggert: We also shut down a huge meth ring in California during a bank robbery.
McSweeten: What are you guys doing here?
Hardison: I mean, we-- we're undercover, man. Yeah, yeah. More manpower on the Fowler case.
Taggert: Oh, well, we never have been notified--
McSweeten: They never said anything about--
Parker: We're your secret backup.
McSweeten: Well... that's great!
Taggert: Hey! That's good.
Parker: Shh! Secret!
Hardison: So, me and you, you, I, us, we should resume surveillance. Fellas.
(Parker and Hardison enter the stairwell)
McSweeten: Can you imagine having her for a partner?
(Taggert looks at McSweeten)
Taggert: You want to see other partners?
McSweeten: I didn't say that.
Taggert: Yeah. Fine. Whatever.
McSweeten: That's not what I meant!
(McSweeten follows Taggert back to Fowler’s apartment)
Nate: Let me just g-get this straight, okay. All right, you two, you couldn't rig a gym class or a spelling bee? And you two, you run into the only FBI agents on the planet that recognize you?
Eliot: I got to be honest with you. I think we broke the kid even more.
Sophie: We are the worst fairy godparents in the world.
Nate: Uh, listen, we still got to get Fowler out of the apartment so we can get in.
Parker: Yeah, except now when he leaves, there will be somebody waiting to kill him.
Hardison: One of his victims wants payback more than he wants to be paid... Back.
Eliot: One of you two can identify the gunman, right?
Hardison: Oh, yeah, sure. He stopped and let me take a picture of him as I was chasing him.
Eliot: Hey, you know what, man? I've been around little kids all day. I don't need to come home and do all this crap.
Hardison: Hey, man, with all that? I've been in this pink shirt and these tight plaid pants, these old webster loafers, this girl is walking on my back. I don't need this, man.
(Parker hands Eliot the pad she’s been drawing on that has a picture of the gunman)
Eliot: Is this the guy?
Eliot: See? (tosses the pad on the table)
Hardison: Wow. I didn't know you could do that.
Parker: I thought everybody could do that.
Nate: Okay. All right, all right. We'll keep an eye on him. In the meantime, if they think you're real FBI, be real FBI. I mean, use it to case the apartment.
Eliot: All right, so I'm out of this, and I'm on FBI detail with Parker and Hardison.
Nate: Actually, no. I need you to be coach Brewer, so...
Eliot: There's an armed gunman out there. You want me in the gym with kids named Skyler and Indigo?
Nate: Where did coach Brewer go? I mean we are there…
Sophie: Shh! Shut up! Shut up!
(on the video feed from Fowler’s apartment, Widmark is walking through the room and singing)
Sophie: "The play is the thing where in I'll catch the conscience of a king."
Widmark (singing): ...times I'm up. Sometimes I'm down. Ohh, Lord. Sometimes I'm almost to the ground.
Nate: Sophie, how long would it take you to stage a musical?
Sophie: Six weeks.
Nate: You have two days.
Kim (singing): There can be no confusion that fusion powers the star.
Sophie: D-did, did you just make that up on the spot?
Kim: Yes, ma'am.
Sophie: Huh. You really are quite relentless.
Kim: Thank you, ma'am.
Widmark: M-Miss Donovan? Why are we singing at a science fair?
Sophie: Ah. Good point, yes. Science. Knowledge. What is knowledge without emotional context?
Sophie: Uh-uh. Empty. Meaningless. We're taking left brain-- Science-- And combing it with right brain-- creativity-- To engage the audience's entire brain. Now, just- just present your projects, and we'll just set it to a little melody. Who's next?
Skyler (singing): I can make a battery out of a potato.
Sophie: Thank you.
Skyler: But I can turn on a light bulb.
Sophie: Mnh-mnh. That won't be necessary. Mr. Fowler?
Widmark (singing): You might find this distasteful, or call it just plain gross to sing in praise of bread mold or wonder how it grows. It even makes you crazy that mold devours your food.
Sophie: I don't know what to say, Widmark.
Widmark: I- I'm sorry.
Sophie: No, no, no. That was, that was, yes, that was impressive. It was--it was understated. It was--it was potentially wonderful. Yes! You, Widmark, are gonna sing in the grand finale.
(Taggert is walking Hardison and Parker through the apartment)
Taggert: Security system installed, 5 camera set-up. Two in the living room, entryway, hallway, kitchen.
Hardison: Could I take a look at your logs for Fowler's phone calls? I- I mean, if I put in a request to home office—
Taggert: It takes forever. Pencil pushers don't understand what it's like for us out in the field, face-to-face with crime.
Hardison: Yeah, nose-to-nose with evil.
Taggert: I can hear that.
McSweeten: The files are in here.
(McSweeten leads the way as Hardison hands off a phone to Parker who uses it to check the room)
Fowler: Who the hell are you?
Parker: FBI. (shows badge)
Fowler: There are cameras everywhere. You people don't need to be in here.
(Parker goes back to checking the walls and finds something with the metal detector/phone)
Sanford: Out of every kid in the entire school, she picks him for the showcase performance? D-does she even know who he is?
Sophie: A student who—
Sanford: Whose father ripped off everyone in this school. I'm a money manager. I put millions of my client's accounts with him. We lost everything. And there isn't a parent in this school who doesn't have the same story.
Nate: Ja, it's not our philosophy to punish the kinder for the sins of their parents, Mr. Sanford. And Ms. Donovan, she assures me that Widmark's starring role in the, uh…
Sophie: The science-sical.
Nate: Ja, science-sical is, uh, based solely on merit. Now, if you excuse me, I have a lot of work to do, please. (opens door) Good afternoon.
(the parents file out of the office)
Nate: Nice to see you again. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye. (closes the door and takes off glasses) Could you just please try to maybe not make this so difficult?
Sophie: I can't take you seriously with that dead cat on your head.
Nate: Eliot had trouble adjusting, all right? But he found a way to make his style work in this setting, so...
(Eliot leads the kids through martial arts movements)
Eliot: Hai! Pain! Honor! Strength! All right. Come at me!
(all of the girls rush him at once, taking him to the ground)
Sophie: It was the best I could manage under such short notice. The props are made, the kids have memorized their presentations. I'm just setting it to a bit of music.
Nate: Listen. We, I mean, let's not forget why we're here. Let's not lose focus. I mean, the object is to get Fowler out of the apartment, not--
Sophie: What? Not, not Widmark. Right, yeah, I get it. He's just the bait.
Nate: Come on. That's not fair.
Sophie: What's not fair is the way people see him. His father sees him as a loser, his mother sees him as this fragile little baby, his schoolmates see him as the boy whose father stole Christmas. I just think h-h-he... Ohh. I just want people to see him as he really is. He deserves that. Everybody does.
(Parker puts a takeout cup down on the middle of some blueprints. Hardison sighs and takes it off the blueprints)
Hardison: This is why we can't have nice things.
Parker: Rich guys and their crazy security systems. Door alarm's got a Takashita 500 with redundant infrared. Window's easier.
Hardison: The window? The window that's 20 stories up?
Parker: Like I said, easier. I've done this a million times. All I need is a pneumatic drill, some diamond bits—
(There is a knock on the door and Parker scrambles to roll up the blueprints)
Hardison: Go, go, go.
(Taggert and McSweeten enter the room)
(McSweeten hands Parker a cup of coffee)
Parker: Oh, uh, thanks.
Hardison: What's up?
McSweeten: Oh, that one's actually mine.
(Parker drinks from the cup and smiles at him)
McSweeten: Uh, I just had my lips on that. If, uh, it's like I gave you a little coffee kiss.
Taggert: I think your partner is sweet on McSweeten.
Hardison: What? No.
(turns to see Parker and McSweeten laughing by the window)
Parker: I dont really talk about this kind of stuff.
Taggert: No? Well anyway. (pulls a letter from his pocket) Uh, the judge approved Fowler's day pass so he can go see some play his kid is doing at school.
Hardison: Final-freaking-ly, man! I-I love the theater. It's-- "Cats". R- reow!
Taggert: All right, well, see you downstairs in a couple of minutes.
Hardison: Um, what?
Taggert: You're our backup. You're coming along with, right?
Hardison: Yeah. Yeah.
Taggert: You got our back, right?
Hardison: We, we, we--
Hardison: We got your back.
Taggert: Okay. Good.
(McSweeten goes over to the window with the others)
(Eliot is overseeing movement of the set)
Hardison: --we got a problem...
Eliot: Straighten that one up.
Nate: Well, so do we. It's final rehearsal, and so far Widmark hasn't sung a note.
Widmark (singing offkey): You…
Claudine (exiting): The camera's charged, right? I don't want to miss a second.
Taggert: Sir, I'm gonna have to check that bag.
(Taggert takes the camera bag as Parker and Hardison enter the hallway)
Hardison: Oh, uh, hey, guys, can we get a minute?
(Taggert and McSweeten approach Parker and Hardison)
Hardison: Look, uh, quick update. One of us is gonna have to stay upstairs with the surveillance equipment.
Parker: Lucky me.
Taggert: Okay. (looking through bag) Well, we only really need two agents on Fowler so why don't we switch up?
McSweeten: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. You know, I could just stay here with Agent Hagen.
Hardison: Yeah. Uh, you know what? Hagen, you go with the guys. More manpower for the suspect. I'll babysit the equipment.
(Taggert and McSweeten walk back to the Fowlers)
Parker: What are you doing?
Hardison: Look, Agent McSweetheart is gonna go wherever you go so you got to go to the school, and I'm just, just talk me through the break-in. Talk me, just...
(the group walks toward the elevator and McSweeten pauses by Parker)
McSweeten: After you.
Hardison: All that personal space.
(Parker and McSweeten enter the elevator)
Hardison: Good luck.
Nate: Uh, Sophie, are we good to go?
Sophie: Uh, uh, No, everything's gonna be fine as soon as I find Widmark.
(Hardison types on a laptop as he’s suiting up for rapelling)
Nate: Hardison, what is going on? What's your status?
Hardison: I just looped the FBI video feed, so nobody will see me in the apartment. Assuming I get in the apartment.
Nate: Please take a seat now. Hurry, hurry along.
(the Fowlers, FBI agents and Parker enter the auditorium)
Nate: All right, our man has arrived. The curtain goes up in five minutes one way or the other. Don't wait for Sophie.
(Widmark is crying in a bathroom stall when Sophie enters the room)
Nate: Please take a seat now. Hurry, hurry along. Take your seat.
Parker: You sure you can handle this?
Hardison (approaching window): Oh, yeah. What's the worst that can happen?
Parker: Well, you could tangle the lines--
McSweeten: Hey! Can you believe they have a smoothie shop in this place? (gives Parker a smoothie) What were you saying?
Parker: Oh, I was just worried about the play, and the actors, they cross their lines they could really fall on their face.
(Hardison crosses the lines and hits the window of the apartment upside down)
Hardison: I'm good! I'm good!
Sophie: Widmark. Y-y-you can't let them win. Y-you can't show them that they're getting to you.
Nate: Sophie, no. No.
Nate: Just- just talk to him. Don't tell him what to do or who to be. Just talk.
(Hardison gets inside the Fowler apartment and walks across the room)
Sophie: Widmark, I'm sorry.
Widmark: For what?
Sophie: For trying to con you into being brave, and, that's what I do. I'm a bloody con artist. Look, I'm not very good at being honest. Not even with my friends.
Widmark (comes out of the stall): Do you have a lot of friends?
Sophie: No. No, I-I never used to have any. But, um, now, yes, I-I do. A few.
Widmark: I used to have friends. They don't talk to me anymore. Because of what my stepdad did.
Sophie: That's got nothing to do with you. You know that, don't you?
Widmark: Then why did they make fun of me?
Sophie: Because when they look at you, they see him. They're not seeing you for who you really are.
(opens a wiring panel)
Hardison: How much time do I have left, Parker?
McSweeten: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Parker: I believe that when you meet someone, you have 30 seconds before the bells and whistles go off. Don't be afraid to override your feelings. Don't be blue.
Hardison: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. I got you. On 30 seconds, "Don't be blue", override. Wait, uh, does that mean cut the blue wire or don't cut the blue wire, Parker?
McSweeten: That is, that is so true. I think you need to be honest--
Parker: 20 seconds.
Hardison: It took--I can't count in 20 seconds how many blue wires there are. Parker, help me out.
McSweeten: Not following.
Parker: You just have to cut loose. Output your feelings. Snip that blue mood--
Hardison: The out-- output?
Hardison: Output? Okay, I got it. Gotcha. (reaches into the panel) Come here, you blue. (cuts a wire) Got it.
(Parker sighs and McSweeten looks confused)
Hardison: Daddy's home.
Sophie: Did you know I was an actress?
Widmark: No. Are you good?
Sophie: Well, others don't seem to think so.
Widmark: Maybe they just can't see you for who you are.
Sophie: Do you know what they say about acting? They say it's about telling the truth, about, about sharing a little part of yourself that people don't normally see. But if you don't--if you don't really know yourself then they think you're lying. And I think that's my problem. I've been lying for so long, that, um, I don't even know what the truth is anymore.
Widmark: I don't want to lie to anybody.
Sophie: No. No, you don't have to, Widmark. What you need to do is you just have to go out there and be Widmark. Just tell the truth. Be, be who you really are. If you can do that, then I promise you, people will believe in you.
McSweeten: Sure is taking them a long time to get everybody in there.
Parker: Yes, a lot longer than I thought.
Hardison: Excuse me for interrupting prom night with my annoying felony burglary. She's ungrateful. Just ungrateful. (pries trim from the wall to reveal a hiding place) Aha! (pulls out case) Come to pa.
Eliot: Widmark okay?
Sophie: Guess we're about to find out.
(Hardison uses some electronic equipment to crack the code on the case and open it)
Hardison: Yeah! Hacking, rappelling, whatever, put me in a dress. I can do all y'all's jobs. (opens the case) It's empty.
Nate: What do you mean it's empty?
Hardison: I mean it's empty—
Hardison: --like somebody cleaned it out.
(Eliot looks out at the audience and something on the balcony catches his eye. A man is standing watching the crowd)
Eliot: I hate to tell you this, but that ain't our biggest problem right now. We've got company.
Juilliard (singing): There are many types of clouds like stratus, cumulus, and nimbus. Nimbus said to a glum-looking cloud please don't be so cirrus. Clouds are high up in the sky…
Eliot: Yeah, but how'd he know Fowler was gonna be here? Only ones that knew were us and the FBI.
Nate: Uh, yeah, and Fowler himself. Maybe we were wrong. Maybe Fowler isn't the target.
Parker: Then who?
Parker: Thank you. For this delicious smoothie, Agent.
Nate: Um… (looks around the room) His FBI handlers. Fowler's arranged to have them killed. He's about to run.
Hardison: No, no—
Hardison: --there's no way he could arrange that, man. He's under house arrest. No phone calls, no internet. They're even reading his mail.
Hardison: How could he arrange a hit man?
Eliot: Let's ask him.
(the man Eliot saw in the balcony is making his way down a flight of stairs to where Eliot is standing)
(Hardison removes a false panel in the case to reveal a cell phone)
Fowler: What do you mean you lost it?
Widmark: I thought it was in my room.
Fowler: You thought? Do you have any respect for your personal property? Do you have any respect for me? I bought you that cell phone.
Hardison: Feds confiscated his cell phone. They didn't take Widmark's.
Juilliard (singing): You will see in the...
Nate: Fowler's getaway explains the empty safe. Whatever cash he had on him he took with him. And, uh, I think I know where to look.
(Parker and McSweeten are about to go into the building)
Parker: Wait. Didn't you search Fowler before he left?
McSweeten: Of course. Nothing on him except for that camera and some tapes.
Nate: Yeah, well, there's something in that bag, or on those tapes.
(Sophie walks out on stage with another child as a man comes in from the side and takes away Kim’s presentation)
Sophie: Thank you...
Nate: Sophie, can you swipe it?
Sophie (in comm): Mm-hmm. Yes, I'm a little bit busy here. (in microphone) ...Juilliard, for that wonderful rendition of "How Clouds Are Formed". And now we have Milan with a ballad about photosynthesis. Enjoy.
(Sophie walks off the stage as music begins to play)
Sophie: Has anybody seen Widmark?
Nate: Sophie, the job's over. What happens from here on is not our concern. We have other priorities.
Sophie: No way. No, no. The-the clinic isn't the only victim here, Nate. No, I-I didn't prop up this boy just to see him fail. No way. I'm not letting that happen.
(the man walks cautiously into the backstage area)
Eliot: Yo, what's up?
(the man raises a gun at Eliot and he knocks it away, hitting the man in the chest several times. The man tries to hit Eliot, but Elito blocks then head butts him. He slams the man’s head down on something nearby, then throws him to the ground)
Hardison: Uh, Nate, this phone has sent a bunch of text messages in the last 48 hours to some guy named "Skyler".
Nate: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skyler's a kid at the school.
Hardison: Why would Fowler be texting a middle-schooler? (sends a text on the phone)
Milan (singing): Photosynthesis is the cause of this process that makes things bigger…
(Sanford reaches into his pocket for his buzzing cell phone. Fowler looks back over his shoulder, and Sanford gets up, taking his video camera up the aisle toward the stage)
Nate: He wasn't texting Skyler. He was texting Skyler's dad.
(Sanford trips on Fowler’s camera bag)
Sanford: Uh, sorry.
Nate: Mark Sanford's an accomplice. He set up the gunman. He just traded bags with Fowler.
(Fowler adjusts the camera bag on the floor next to him)
Hardison: No, man, why would Sanford help Fowler? Isn't he one of the guys who invested with him?
Milan (singing): Really a gas…
(just off stage, Widmark walks up to Sophie)
Widmark: Sorry I'm late.
Sophie: No, no, no. You're right on time.
(Eliot kicks the man back and he falls on a low platform and breaks it. Eliot picks the man up and slams him against the wall. The man hits Eliot several times in the chest and stomach, knocking him back, then punches him in the face. Eliot grabs the man’s arm and throws him on a table, which breaks. Eliot goes to punch him again but the man throws Eliot over his head to the ground)
Sophie: And now with "Growth Factors In Bread Mold" it's Widmark Fowler!
Widmark (singing): You might find this distasteful or call it just plain gross to sing in praise of bread mold or wonder how it grows. It even makes you crazy that mold devours your food until you find I've changed your mind and you see that mold is good…
(Eliot and the man are still fighting out of sight)
Widmark (singing): It's the mushrooms on your pizza, it's the yeast that makes your crust rise…
(Eliot and the man continue fighting)
Sophie: Well, keep it off the stage! You're gonna ruin his big finale.
(the man tackles Eliot, pushing him away from the stage and landing on top of him)
Widmark (singing): ...this fun guy that get eaten, don't look surprised…
Widmark (singing): And while we're on the subject, who among us would want the nasty job that fungus has?
(Eliot hits the man then rolls him away, continuing to fight as Widmark sings on stage)
Widmark (singing): Scarfing down toxic waste. Molds go where they're needed…
Widmark (singing): …so they find our stuff to feed in. Molds just want to grow…
(Eliot manages to knock the man out and pulls him away from the stage0)
Widmark (singing): so they pop out spores, you know that a mold wants to thrive, needs much more than to survive, because mold's like us. Just love being alive…
(Eliot shuts the man into a cabinet)
Claudine (to Fowler) He is competitive.
(the audience jumps to their feet and applause rings out. Nate moves forward and gets the video camera bag, taking it to the back of the auditorium and going through it)
Nate: Uh, Hardison…
Nate: …are you at your computer? I need you to check a name for me.
(typing on keyboard)
Hardison: Go ahead.
Nate (looking at passport): Doug Fineman.
Sophie: And first place goes to Mr. Widmark Fowler!
(parents are coming up on stage to stand with their children)
Nate (pulls out tickets): Sanford is providing Fowler with a new identity and a new life waiting for him in Bogotá.
(Sandford enters the backstage area still holding his video camera. Eliot grabs him and pulls him inside, pushing him against the wall)
Sanford: Oh! Coach Brewer!
Eliot: Shut up!
(Sophie comes over and grabs the video camera bag)
Sophie: I'll take that.
(Sophie takes the bag to a table and pulls out a tape)
Sophie: Ah, yes.
(Sophie puts the tape into an audio machine and it begins to play in the auditorium)
Sanford: I'm just saying you can't make the returns too consistent. 10% growth every year, no matter what the market does? The S.E.C. Is going to ask questions.
Fowler: Let me worry about the S.E.C., Mark.
Sanford: But we have to be careful.
Fowler: My job is to buy off the regulators. Your job is to bring in new money. Now, this whole thing goes off the rails when you stop doing your job.
(Fowler heads for the exit through the crowds followed closely by Taggert. Nate reaches out with his cane and trips Fowler)
Taggert: Where the heck do you think you're going? (cuffs Fowler)
Nate: Ja, ja, he, um, he dropped this. All of this. I thought his name was Fowler. I don't know.
Taggert: Thanks. (takes case and pulls Fowler toward the exit)
Nate: Ja, ja.
Sanford: Come on! (struggles with Eliot) No! Stop it! (gets away from Eliot and pulls Sophie away from the machine) You can't play that!
(McSweeten grabs Sanford and puts him in handcuffs)
McSweeten: Now, that is no way to treat a lady. (smiles at Parker) Come on.
Nate: Got something for you. (hands her a check)
Kay: Wow, that is far more than we lost.
Nate: Well, you know the $20 million the feds couldn't find? Fowler had it in an overseas account using one of his aliases.
Sophie: Yeah, he struck a deal with Sanford. He traded the tapes for a new passport and two dead FBI guys.
Nate: And our friend Hardison, well, he liberated some of the cash so you could use it for your clinic.
Claudine: Hey, Kay!
(Claudine and Widmark walk by, both carrying boxes)
Kay: Hi, Claudine. She, um, needed a job after Fowler went to jail.
Sophie: Good luck.
Kay: Thank you. (enters clinic)
Nate: Well, you know, this is interesting. This must be a-a first. I mean, it's the only time I can remember that the con depended solely on you telling the truth. How'd it feel?
Sophie: Eh, good. Don't get used to it.
Nate: Oh, no. No.
Sophie: I start telling the truth all day, I stop being Sophie Devereaux.
Nate: Maybe that's, uh, A good thing. (walks away)