Monica: And tonight, on Hunt for the Truth, a shocking development in the school bus scandal that cost two children their lives. I have uncovered new information about the lowlife responsible for this horrible accident, school bus driver Ray Pennington. Mr. Pennington, how do you respond to the allegations that you were driving erratically the morning of the accident?
Ray: I drove the way I normally do. I-I didn't do anything improper.
Monica: That man, Ray Pennington, was being treated for severe mental illness at the time of the accident. Friends, you have to ask yourself, do you know who's driving your kids to school? Joining us is psychiatrist Dr. Bill Pratt. Dr. Pratt, isn't it true that psychiatric medications greatly impair a person's driving ability?
(Hunt for the Truth plays on the television as Sarah enters the room)
Sarah: Dad? I thought we agreed you weren't gonna watch this whack-job anymore.
(Sarah turns off the TV and begins to look for her father)
Sarah: Dad? Dad?
(sees smoke coming from under the garage door and drops her keys)
Sarah: Daddy? (enters the garage) Daddy! Dad! (opens garage door) Daddy? Dad? Dad, can you hear me? (opens car door) Dad? Dad! Dad? Dad? (tries to wake Ray up) Dad, can you hear me? No! Dad, wake up! Dad!
Sarah: The doctor said I got to him just in time.
Nate: No charges were brought against your father?
Sarah: No. It was ruled mechanical failure. The police completely cleared him.
Nate: Right. Of course that wouldn't make for a very good story, would it?
Sarah: Well, the accident was a tragedy and everyone was devastated, but nobody pointed a finger at Dad until Monica Hunter decided to make him her latest villain.
Sophie: Look, I'm sorry to bring this up, but we need to know, what about the mental illness?
Sarah: When my dad got out of the first Gulf War, he was given antidepressants for post-traumatic stress. He hasn't taken them in 14 years. She made up lie after lie.
Nate: Here's what we can do. We can probably get you enough money to save the house and pay for medical bills--
Sarah: We aren't interested in money, Mr. Ford. This woman took my father's self-esteem. She took his reputation. She took his good name. That's what he needs back.
Sophie: All right, yeah. We'll see what we can do.
Sarah: Thank you. Thank you very much.
(Sarah walks away)
Sophie: I wanna take the lead on this one. I wanna do what you do.
Nate: Yeah, listen, I know breakups can be very difficult, Sophie.
Sophie: Whoa. No, that's not what this is about.
Nate: I know that you have this need to be in control right now, you know.
Sophie: I don't have any such need.
Nate: But you can't project that onto the con.
Sophie: Excuse me? This, coming from the man who spent an entire year drunk, working out his obsessive vengeance on every dimwit in a suit who happened to cross our line of vision.
Nate: Hey, you put some thought into that one, didn't you?
Sophie: You know, I'm not tryin' to control the universe just because some guy dumped me. I-I appreciate the concern. I just, I need a new challenge.
Nate: Okay. (hands Sophie the files) This is your job.
Sophie: Thanks. Now, let's go get this bitch. (walks away)
Nate: Oh, boy.
Hardison: Now, we've stolen a lot of odd things before, but how do we steal back a man's reputation?
Sophie: We get the network to issue a complete apology and utterly disavow Monica Hunter's story.
(Hardison, Eliot and Parker look surprised)
Nate: Yeah, Sophie's gonna be doing this one.
Sophie: Yeah. I'm gonna be Nate on this one, only, you know, nicer.
Parker: But if you're gonna be Nate, then who's gonna be you?
Eliot: I-I-I don't mean to obsess about the last time Sophie ran a con, but, I'm sorry, where we had to blow up the offices.
Sophie (scoffs): Really? Because I don't remember that.
Hardison: I do.
Sophie: Um, Hardison, just run it.
Nate: Look, you don't mind, I thought I would still do the "Hardison, run it" thing. Hardison, run it.
Hardison: Monica Hunter's Hunt for the Truth has been a top show in her time slot for the last eight years. She calls it an exposé show. Each episode includes three elements: Incriminating documents, embarrassing footage of the subject and an expert to make it legit. Now, she mixes this all into one hatchet job on some poor citizen, turning him into the bogeyman. Doesn't matter whether or not they're guilty. If the victim tries to sue, the network just buries them in lawyers.
Sophie: Yeah, she demonizes perfectly innocent people for ratings and stands behind the network thinking they're gonna protect her. We're gonna sever that relationship.
Sophie: We're gonna get her to go on air with a fake story that just destroys her reputation.
Eliot: It’s like when you find a crooked cop, you know, all his cases go right out the window.
Sophie: Exactly. And then to protect themselves, they issue an apology to Mr. Pennington and then they throw Monica Hunter into the jaws of the very media machine that she bent to her own malicious will.
Parker: Wow. I gotta say, Sophie's briefings are much more dramatic.
Eliot: And poetic.
Nate: You see, what we need to do though, what we need is, we gotta sell her a fake news story that sh-she can't refuse. That's what we gotta do, because what does she have? She has fame. She has money. What does she need?
(Sophie clears her throat)
Nate: She... Sorry.
Sophie: What does she have? She has fame. She has money. What does she need?
Hardison: Respect. Yeah, she's a joke among serious journalists. Look, these are emails from her agent and internal memos from the network. See, every time her contract's up, she tries to go and get a job on a serious news show, but she gets laughed out of the room every time.
Nate: Yeah, well, we can't sell her respect.
Sophie: But we can sell a story that commands respect. A story that she's gonna chase to get the respect she craves. Hm? Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to D.C. to make news.
(everyone continues sitting, looking uncomfortable)
Nate: That's when you wanna...
Sophie: I wanna do that bit again. Pack your bags, everyone. We're going to D.C. to make news. (leaves room)
Nate: She's walking into the closet.
Monica: Friends, join me tomorrow as we hunt for the truth in your own home. Which of your household appliances is killing you? It's not the one you think.
Steve: And we're... out. Nice show, everyone.
Monica: What idiot made this coffee?
Parker: I got the pass. Easy.
Sophie: Parker, we went over this.
Sophie: You're not supposed to take it. Get caught with it.
Parker: I don't know how to get caught.
Sophie: Yeah, I know it's difficult to steal badly. Just, just try.
(Parker begins going through Monica’s drawers loudly)
Monica: I need this yesterday. What am I paying you for? You can't make a cup of coffee. Incompetence. I'm surrounded by incompetence.
(Parker slams a door. Monica walks into the room)
Monica: What the hell are you doing?
Parker: Cindy MacAllen, Caspergale Nightly News.
Monica: Caspergale? How'd you get in here?
Sophie: That's your cue. Go on. Leave now.
Parker: Apparently, I have to go. (walks out of the office)
Monica (grabs Parker): Hey. Hey. I will have you arrested for trespassing if you do not tell me what you are doing here.
Parker: Technically, you can't have me arrested for trespassing because you don't own the station.
Sophie: Parker, tell her the story.
Parker: I have a story. A huge story.
Parker: Right. There's a high-level source at the Pentagon that's been evading me.
Monica: So you were gonna sneak in using my press credentials?
Monica: Tell me the story.
Parker: No. I can't.
Monica: Tell me, or tell the police.
Parker: I have a story that will bring down the President of the United States.
Parker: I have to warn you about my source. He doesn't like strangers.
Monica: Strangers? I'm Monica Hunter. I'm in 41 markets.
(Parker and Monica enter an apartment where the walls and other surfaces are covered with newspaper articles and photographs. Hardison stands up, surprised)
Parker: Monica Hunter, meet Wade Perkins.
Hardison: I told you don't bring nobody here. They can't know that we know. Not now.
Monica: I'm out. (heads for door)
Parker: No, I know how this looks. Just hear him out.
(Monica opens the door and sees Eliot in the hallway, wearing a suit, looking toward the door but moving out of sight when he sees her. Monica closes the door)
Monica: OK. Three minutes. Tell me a story that'll bring down the president.
Hardison: The pr—the presi--the president, man, the president said he was gonna close down Guantanamo Bay. He lied. Guantanamo is being replaced by a network of secret prisons right here in the United States, man.
Parker: These are satellite photos of vacant military installations across the country. Empty missile silos, closed bases, places we've abandoned since the end of the Cold War. Suddenly, three months ago, the photos were taken off-line and classified.
Hardison: Until I cracked the encryption. See, this h-here's what the government doesn't want you to see, man. Come. Look. This, construction sites working around the clock installing generators and water filtration systems. And—and--and fully-stocked kitchens, man.
Monica: There's a word for that. It's called government pork.
Hardison: Oh, no. All this construction is goin' on underground. Under, beneath the eyes. The eyes of the world, man. They don't want you to see. Congress doesn't know, governors don't know, Red Cross, ACLU, National Geographic. Nobody knows, man. Nobody, man. They're puttin' terrorists in your backyard. Terrorists under your backyard. "Hey, little Billy, go outside. Dig in the sandbox. Ooh, klang. What'd ya find, little Billy? What'd ya find? It's a terrorist. It's a bunker full of terrorists, man." Bunker, man.
Monica: What other sources do you have besides tin foil hat over here?
Hardison: Hey, hey, hey, man. Bein' a tin foil hat, that's better than bein' a lap dog for the four corporations that control the global media, man.
Parker: General Mark Chesler at the Pentagon is running this program. He's been ducking me. That's why I needed your credentials.
Monica: Okay. Call me tomorrow. We'll hit the general in the morning. (leaves)
Parker: That's what I'm talkin' about.
Hardison: All right.
Monica: And the cameraman. The usual setup.
Steve: I must say, Monica, I'm proud of you helpin' out this young reporter.
Monica: Don't be silly, Steve. Once I've got her sources, I'm kicking Strawberry Shortcake to the curb. The story is all mine.
(Eliot walks out of the hall behind her, smiling)
(Sophie and Nate come out of a side room as Eliot enters the apartment)
Eliot: Hunter's hooked.
Hardison: Our mark has a story and a source. We halfway home.
Sophie: Now, for the hard part. We need to steal a general.
Nate: No, it's, "Let's go steal a general." You know, it's a rallying cry.
Nate: "We need to steal a general." It's a little naggy. It's kinda like, "We need eggs," you know? "We need eggs." "We need eggs!" You know?
(Sophie sighs and moves away)
Nate: No, I'm just tryin' to give you a little...
Hardison: You see what you did.
Parker: Eliot, these conspiracies aren't real, right?
Eliot: What do you mean?
Parker: Like that one over there that says all the major wars of the past 50 years were ordered by members of The Council.
Eliot: Parker, I'm not at liberty to discuss that with you. (walks away)
Parker: You're not a member of The Council, are you? Eliot? Is he?
Nate: Oh, I don't know. (walks away)
Parker: Huh? Uh, Nate, is he?
Man: Meeting adjourned.
Eliot: General Chesler, I'm from Senator Ruden's office, and he needs to speak with you immediately. Uh, they are about to put a spike in the XJ-12 Armored Vehicle Project. I'm just relaying the message. I don't even know what that is, sir.
Chesler: It's the last eight years of my life, that's what it is.
Eliot: Yes, sir. Uh, the senator would like you to meet him in his office, ASAP, and bring the latest XJ-12 files.
Chesler: I don't have them on me!
Eliot: Don't have 'em. Yeah, right here, call your secretary and have her meet you there, pronto. Again, I'm just relaying the senator's words. They're not mine.
(Eliot uses his pencil to steal the generals ID badge, which he then passes to Hardison)
Chesler (on phone): Pamela, stop what you're doing right now, and grab the following files.
(Pamela walks out of the office with an armful of files as Nate approaches the office)
Nate: Is she gonna buy this?
Sophie: Hardison changed the general's profile online. When she's on camera, Monica only looks at Monica.
Nate: Parker, what's your 20?
Parker: Seconds away.
(Nate uses the general’s ID to get into the office. Monica and Parker climb the stairs to approach the general’s office, followed by a camera man)
Parker: Shouldn't we have called first to schedule an interview?
Monica: Schedule a--? Ah, skipper, you're not covering the Tulip Festival or the Action News anymore. This is the real world.
Parker: But what if he won't talk to us?
Monica: Then we celebrate.
Monica: Denial means guilt. Refusal means more guilt. Punch out my cameraman, and I'll kiss you on the mouth.
Camera Man: Mm-hm.
(Monica sees Eliot walking by, watching them closely)
Monica: I knew it. You've got a shadow.
Monica: Means you're being followed. Means there's some meat on this bone.
(they reach the general’s door. Monica removes her badge and takes a microphone from her camera man)
Camera Man: All right, we're rolling.
Monica (knocks on door): My friends, we are outside the office of General Mark Chesler to discover the truth about America's secret prisons.
(Nate opens the door)
Nate: What's going on here? Who the hell let you in this building?
Monica: General, who is being held in the secret underground bunkers?
Nate: I am late to a meeting. (tries to walk away)
Monica: Then you don't deny that these prisons exist.
Nate: I don't know what you're talking about. (covers the camera as he passes it and walks away)
Monica: So how long have you been in charge of the prisons, general?
(Monica slides her ID card between the doors to stop it from locking as it closes, then hands the microphone to Parker)
Parker: Here, take this. (hands microphone to camera man)
Monica: Watch the door.
(Monica and Parker enter the room and begin looking through files. Parker pulls a red file from a briefcase))
Parker: This is it. Construction memos for the sites in the satellites photos. All classified. Cell requirements are eight square feet per bed.
Monica: They are prisons. We've got our proof.
(Monica tries to take the file, but Parker doesn’t give it up)
Monica: Fair enough. You bring that crackpot source of yours down to my studio right now. I'm gonna obscure his face, disguise his voice. Refer to him as my secret informant.
Parker: Do you have any idea what this story might mean for democracy?
Monica: Whatever. I just wish I could see the faces of those bastards at the Times and the Post when they find out they've gotta chase a Monica Hunter story.
Parker: My story, too, right?
Hardison: Hey, make sure to set the TiVo.
Hardison: I wanna see how I look with the fuzzy dot on my face.
Nate: Well, just don't push too hard.
(Sophie clears her voice)
Nate: What? I'm...
Sophie: Bury her.
Steve: Three, two, one, Monica.
Monica: Friends, is your baby-sitter running a call girl ring while you're at work? Watch the shocking nanny cam footage tonight on Hunt for the Truth.
Steve: And cut. Nice show, everyone.
Sophie: Hardison. Hardison, go in.
Hardison: Got it, got it.
Hardison: Hey, hey, hey. Hey, chief. What happened to the prison story, man?
Monica: Renfield, Betsy Wetsy.
Monica: I'll admit I was tempted. I figured here's my chance to finally stick it to the D.C. press corps. But then I got to work and I read these. (hands them a folder)
Parker: Nielsen Media. These are your ratings?
Monica: On Monday, I had suburban teens in secret pregnancy pact. Number one in the time slot. Then Wednesday was my Social Security show: "Will Your Safety Net Be There When You Retire?" I lost to the Discovery and History channels. Sharks and Nazis. Now granted, sharks and Nazis are cable TV's heavy hitters, but that's no excuse.
Parker: But this is a national scandal.
Monica: No, a scandal is whatever scares Monica Hunter's viewers. Now, who are they gonna put in those secret prisons? My viewers? No. They're gonna put bad people in there. Secret government prisons make Monica Hunter's viewers feel safer. My job is to sell the morons a steady diet of scary. They want a reason to lock their doors. Fear sells, and Monica Hunter is in the fear business.
Parker: Don't you understand? If we get to someone else, you'll be missing out on the opportunity of your life! Listen to us! Everything's at stake!
(a woman pushes Hardison and Parker away from Monica)
Woman: Thank you.
Hardison: What are we gonna do now?
Sophie: All right, she wants fear, that's what we'll give her.
Nate: This is how it starts.
Monica (answers phone): Go for Hunter.
Parker: Monica, it's Cindy MacAllen. There's more to this than we thought. The general called me.
Woman: Large latte. (hands coffee to Monica)
Monica: Look, Cindy, I told you, there's no Hunt for the Truth story here.
Parker: Please, I'm right outside.
(Monica looks outside to see Parker standing in the middle of the street)
Parker: Give me just two minutes. It's big, Monica. (starts walking toward the coffee shop) It's bigger than we thought.
(a car speeds up and hits Parker, knocking her to the ground before it stops. Inside the coffee shop, Monica gasps. She heads outside as Eliot runs around the car and turns Parker over, grabbing the red file)
(Eliot looks at Monica then gets back in the car and drives away. Hardison comes up behind Monica and grabs her shoulders)
Hardison: Move. Don't stop. Come on.
Monica: They ran her over.
Hardison: I know, but we gotta go. Security cameras, the ATM cameras, the traffic cameras. We're always being watched. Just put your head down. Act natural.
Monica: Why are you dressed like a mailman?
Hardison: Invisible man, mailman, nobody notices the mailman. He blends right in. Just like a circus clown. Wait, wait, di--did she tell you?
Monica: The general called.
Hardison: Yes. He called last night. He wants to meet. Had a bad case of the sweats and a guilty conscience.
Monica: What's this all about?
Hardison: Something worth killing her over. Is it a big enough story for you now?
(as Hardison and Monica move out of sight, Parker sits up, startling all of the people gathered around her. She straightens her clothes, gets up and walks away)
(Monica and Hardison ride an elevator downward and get off when it stops)
Monica: Where the hell are we?
Hardison: No-no windows. No cameras. No crowds. It's the perfect place to meet. Now, look, look, look. Do you want the truth or not, man?
Nate (in shadows): Miss Hunter. Where's MacAllen?
Monica: MacAllen had an accident. Right in front of me.
Nate (steps out of shadows): They're cleaning up the loose ends.
Hardison: Not the ends, man. Not the ends, man. I like beginnings of stuff.
Nate: Trimethylxanthine. I'll try and see if I can get ya some.
Monica: Trimethyl what?
Hardison: It's an antidote. The CIA came up with it in '73 during the Tokyo Intervention.
(Nate takes a pill)
Monica: Antidote to what?
Nate: Well, there's been an incident.
Monica: An incident? Don't spin me, general. I'm Monica frickin' Hunter, and I am on a hunt for the truth.
Nate: Three weeks ago, there was a breach at one of our weapons research labs outside of D.C. Something got inside the water.
Hardison: It's in the water. I always knew it was in the water.
Monica: Will you shut up?
Nate: A virally replicating chemical nerve agent. A nerve gas. Dissolves in the water. Spreads like a disease.
Monica: No. No, we would have heard from the hospitals, people coming in with symptoms.
Nate: It takes a while for it to rise to toxic level in the human system. People should start getting sick any day now.
Monica: I don't understand. What does this have to do with the secret prisons?
Nate: She thinks they're prisons? Out here's the prison! They're shelters for the elite. Environmentally sound safe houses with their own re-filtering water supply. Good for two years of underground living. Even though I think we'll only need about six months.
Monica: If you think the American people are gonna stand by and watch while thousands of D.C. residents get sick and--
Hardison: Th-th-thousands? Thousands? You don't get it, man? It's in the water. Once it's in the condensation cycle, it starts gettin' in rain clouds and raindrops and rain that keep falling, man. It's not raining men, man. It's raining death. It's raining death, man. (leaves room)
Nate: In a couple of days, being in one of those bunkers will be the only safe place in the entire country. (walks away)
Monica: I still need more proof.
Nate: It's all in the file that MacAllen took. The Red File.
(Eliot takes the red file from Parker and goes back to his car)
Monica: They stole that file off of her body.
Nate: You have other sources. Use 'em. The project is code-named Destiny. It's up to you, Hunter. It's up to you to warn the American people. Now, go hunt for the truth!
Parker: We totally went to the moon.
Eliot: Movie sets. I've seen 'em. They're outside of Albuquerque.
Parker: Why would there still be sets there?
Eliot: Because they're gonna reuse 'em for the Mars mission. Repaint it all red.
(Nate and Hardison walk in, Nate tosses a pill bottle to Parker)
Parker: Ooh, peppermint.
Hardison: Are you sure it was cool to let her loose?
Sophie: She has to have corroboration from her own sources. She has to craft the narrative. Monica Hunter has to be the author of her own personal nightmare.
Nate: Do I sound that creepy when I...?
Eliot: Hell yes.
Eliot: You do.
Sophie: The only question is whether Hardison guessed her sources right.
Hardison: G-guess? Guess?
Sophie: Well, you know.
Hardison: Woman, my name Alec Hardison. I do not guess, OK? Look, journalists, they're lazy. They always go back to the same sources. I compared Monica Hunter's stories for the last ten years and created a heuristic model based on her sources. I-I filtered by story type, priority and evidentiary chain. Look, (pulls up info on laptop) sex scandal: 87 percent chance she goes to these sources. Serial killer scare: 90 percent she contacts these sources for confirmation. Government secrets and health scare intersects: Ninety-five percent chance she goes to these sources. Look, look. Right there. She's emailing them right now. Look.
(Monica is typing an email address to one of her sources)
Hardison (typing on laptop): I am answering for them.
Monica (reading email): "I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Project Destiny."
(pulls out phone and dials)
Hardison: See, now all of her cell phone calls to these sources go straight to voicemail.
Sophie: Leaving her no choice but to contact the one and only source that we let her speak to.
[Exterior Government Building]
Congressman: Yeah, I can do that. Sure.
Man: Thanks a lot.
Congressman: Ah, Monica! My favorite journalist. What can I do for you?
Monica: I need you to tell me the truth. (holds microphone to his face)
Congressman: Of course.
Monica: About Destiny.
Announcer: Now, here on the main stage, let's give it up for Destiny!
(a beautiful stripper begins performing on stage)
Congressman (holds up keys): I bought you a car, baby!
Destiny: Thank you, baby. (bends to take keys)
[Exterior Government Building]
Congressman: Give me that. (grabs recorder) Who told you about Destiny? You can't tell anyone! That would be the end! The end of everything! (runs away)
Monica: It's true.
(Monica walks into the break room of the studio and sees water everywhere she looks)
Steve: Monica, we're shooting promos. Get made up.
(Steve sprays water on a makeup sponge. Monica stands up, spooked)
Monica: No. It's everywhere. It really is everywhere. (runs out of the studio)
Hardison: This is studio security footage from three hours ago.
Sophie: Now, that's what I call control.
Nate: Yeah, we might've, uh, pushed too hard.
Sophie (scoffs): Please.
(knock on door)
Monica: It's me, Monica Hunter. Are you there?
(Hardison heads for the door while the rest of the team hides in the back room)
Monica: Let me in.
(Hardison opens the door)
Monica: Oh, thank God! You're the only one I can trust to help me get this footage.
Hardison: Some footage, man?
Monica: I need you to take me to one of the bunkers now. We need video proof. We are gonna blow this wide open.
Hardison: All right, I'm...
Monica: Come on. (grabs Hardison and pulls him out of the apartment) Let's go.
(the rest of the team comes out of the back room)
Parker: Too much.
Eliot: A little bit.
[Exterior Army Base]
(Monica drives up to a busy Army Base with Hardison in the passenger’s seat looking at a map)
Hardison: Hold. Hold, hold on.
Nate: Hold on. Hold on a second.
(Nate plugs a disk into the car and looks at a map)
Nate: OK. All right, your satellite photos have something that will pass as a bunker at the Army Reserve base. (puts on camouflage jacket) I'm right behind ya. (takes off)
Sophie: There's nothing in there but tank parts. Just get the footage and run.
[Exterior Army Base]
Sophie: And Nate's right behind you. He's gonna pick you up and do the blow-off.
(Monica gets out of the car)
(Hardison follows Monica through some parked army vehicles. Monica is holding a video camera)
Hardison: Well, there you go.
(behind a fence, soldiers and vehicles move along a cement wall toward a set of doors)
Monica: We're not close enough. (hands Hardison the camera) Shoot me. This is Monica Hunter coming to you from a secret military base just outside of Washington, D.C. with the most shocking Hunt for the Truth ever.
(Monica tosses her purse over the fence and climbs over it)
Monica (falls to the ground): Oh!
Sergeant] Sir, yes, sir!
(Hardison runs for the fence, putting the camera in her pocket and climbing over it)
Nate: Hey, Hardison. Hardison, what's...?
[Exterior Army Base]
Man: Move in there now!
(Soldiers surround Hardison and Monica, pointing weapons at them)
Soldier: This is U.S. Army! Don't move! Drop the camera! Hands in the air now!
Sophie: Glass half full. She really buys the bunker story.
Monica: Listen, you don't have to pretend with me. I know. I know about the bunkers.
Captain: Ma'am, there are no bunkers.
Monica: I know you have to say that.
[Interrogation Room 2]
Hardison: A-a-all this is an Army base?
Lieutenant: What did you think it was?
Hardison: Y-- I-I don't know. I don't know that white woman. Met her at a bar. She said we was goin' back to her place. I thought it was a gated community.
Lieutenant: And the video camera?
Hardison: She a freak, man.
Lieutenant (gets up): Hold on. (picks up phone)
Hardison: Get me out of here.
Sophie: Yeah, I'm working on it.
Parker (comes out of back room pulling on jacket): I'm on it.
Sophie: No, no, no, no, no, you cannot go. You're dead. Monica Hunter sees you and the whole con is blown.
[Interrogation Room 2]
Hardison: Damn the con. I'm a black man caught on an Army base with a video camera. I am going to jail forever.
Sophie: Yeah, look, Nate's the only one close enough to get you.
Nate: But Nate's five minutes away and still tryin' to figure out how he's gonna walk two prisoners off an Army base using an ID that's already been reported stolen. No, guys, we're gonna have to stall.
[Interrogation Room 2]
Lieutenant (on phone): Let me know if anything from fingerprints comes...
Hardison: Eliot, get me everything you can on a Lieutenant Abbot.
Hardison: Just-just do what I taught you.
Eliot (typing on laptop): Now, the "http" thing comes before—
[Interrogation Room 2]
Eliot: --the "www-dot," right?
Eliot: Which one's the forward slash?
Sophie: Oh, come on.
[Interrogation Room 2]
Hardison: It ain't the time, Eliot. It ain't the time.
Eliot: It's not fun when you're hanging out there in the wind and there's a dude behind a laptop cracking jokes, is there?
Parker: I like it when we switch jobs. It's exciting.
Monica: OK. Let's pretend there aren't any bunkers.
Captain: There aren't any bunkers.
Monica: You're a horrible liar. In these bunkers that don't exist, there's going to be panic.
Captain: Who's panicking?
Monica: The special people. And you know what you could use? A familiar face from the media. A face that they trust.
[Interrogation Room 2]
Eliot: No, that's everything on this guy.
Lieutenant: Sir, I need to know why you're on this base.
Hardison: Yes. Why am I on this base?
Lieutenant: I'm asking you.
Hardison: No, I'm asking you. Why am I on this base? Why am I in this room?
Lieutenant: So I can ask you questions.
Hardison: Or maybe it's so I can ask you questions, Lieutenant Kyle Abbot, Social Security 823-24-6270?
Lieutenant: I don't know what you're up to.
Hardison: Maybe you’re not cleared to know. Two disciplinary actions? That one in Germany? Maybe you're just too much of a security risk.
(lieutenant goes to leave and Hardison slams his fist on the table)
Hardison: Did I say you could leave?
(lieutenant swallows nervously)
[Army Base Gate]
Nate: Not gonna work.
Eliot: It's all in the salute, man.
Sophie: Just work the stars and bars. Nobody wants to--
[Army Base Gate]
(a soldier moves to the side of the car and leans in, saluting Nate)
Sophie: --look a general in the eye.
Nate: Uh, good form soldier. As you were.
(the gate goes up and Nate pulls into the base, parking near a building. He gets out of the car and walks toward the door)
Soldier 2: Sir.
(the captain and the lieutenant meet in the hall)
Lieutenant: Sir, mine is freaking me right out, sir.
Captain: Mine appears to be insane.
Nate: No, not insane, just a reporter. Well, congratulations, gentlemen. This base has passed with, uh, flying colors. Well done.
(Nate reaches out and straightens a picture on the wall)
Captain: Uh, passed what, sir?
Nate: Have you not been briefed? You were supposed to be briefed. Department of Defense has decided to, uh, reassure the American people about, uh, the safety of their military bases. So we've agreed to cooperate with the network and make a television special, you know, to show off just how effective our security is.
Lieutenant: They were pretty easy to catch, sir.
Nate: Well, for you. But in Camp Munroe in Idaho, those two were signing their name on nukes with shiny silver pens. Turn 'em loose now and I'll get 'em out of your hair.
Captain: Of course, sir.
(a soldier opens the door to one of the interrogation rooms)
Soldier: You're free to go, ma'am.
(Hardison and Monica walk into the hallway, Hardison holding the video camera)
Nate: All right, let's go.
(Hardison hands Monica the camera)
Nate: Sorry to waste your time, gentlemen. Very well done there.
(Nate follows Monica and Hardison out of the hallway)
Captain: Lieutenant, did you catch the full name on that ID?
Lieutenant: General Chesler, sir?
Captain: That is not General Chesler. All right, find out who they are. Don't let anyone off the base!
(soldiers go running)
[Exterior Army Base]
(Nate hands Monica a pill bottle)
Monica: Oh, trimethylxanthine. Thank you.
Nate: That slows the effect of the toxin. Hopefully, long enough for you to get the truth out.
Monica (puts the bottle in her purse): How did you find us?
Nate: Are you kidding me? Famous reporter shows up at one of the bunkers, sets off alarms all over the city. We're gonna be lucky if we get out in one piece, I'll tell you that.
Hardison: We'll split up.
Nate: Your car's parked over by the fence. (to Hardison) You pick it up and we'll meet back at the apartment.
(Hardison heads off)
Monica: We'll gather the evidence and we'll meet at the studio.
(Monica and Nate move to get in the car as the captain comes out of the building)
Captain: Hey, stop right there!
Monica: You were right.
Nate: Let's go.
Captain: No, hold it!
(Monica and Nate get into the car and Nate takes off)
Captain: Stop! Yo! Sergeant!
Sergeant: Yes, sir!
Captain: Stop that car!
(Nate speeds toward the gate)
Sergeant: Stop that vehicle!
(Nate busts through the gate and speeds away)
Lieutenant: Sir, the only ID that checked out was the woman. Monica Hunter.
Captain: Hunt for the Truth? I thought she looked familiar. Call the police.
Monica: We've got footage of the shelters and the testimony of a three-star general.
Nate: They can't continue the program with this kind of exposure.
Monica: We're gonna grab the satellite photos and put you on the air. I am gonna make them pay for keeping me out of those bunkers.
Monica: And lying.
Monica: And injustice.
(Monica and Nate enter an empty apartment)
Monica: Where did it go? The photos. The maps. Where's Wade Perkins?
(Monica spots the red file sitting on a chair and grabs it)
Monica: Thank God, the Red File.
(Eliot walks out of the back room wearing an apron and taking off thick gloves)
Eliot: Pardon me. I was just cleaning up.
Nate: We hunt for the truth through many dark places. (approaches Monica menacingly) I am a patriot, Ms. Hunter. I'm sorry. (to Eliot) Earl.
(Monica takes a can of pepper spray from her purse and sprays it in Nate’s face, driving him back. She runs out the door as he groans in pain)
Eliot: Good thing Parker switched that with water.
Nate: Didn't! Didn't switch.
Reporter: Earnings reports continue to come in, and as expected, several major banks are facing...
Monica: I've got to get on the air, now.
Steve: Are you drunk?
Monica: Steve, listen very carefully. You've got to patch me into the Emergency Broadcast System. I've got to go on the air live. Now. Before they come for me.
Steve: They what? Monica, we're in the middle of the stock report.
Monica: Fine. I'll do it myself.
Reporter: ...notes that those figures do compare favorably with first-quarter productivity, though confounding expectations of labor costs.
(Monica grabs a male reporter and pulls him away from the table)
Monica: Get out! (sits down and puts on microphone) We have breaking news.
Reporter: And now, Monica Hunter with some breaking news.
Steve: Monica, what are you doing?
Monica: Saving your life, Steve. This is a very special edition of Hunt for the Truth. My friends, I've brought you stories before of injustices, of dangers lurking all around us. But tonight, my friends, the enemy is everywhere.
(an aid brings a glass of water and a cup to the table and sits it down next to Monica. Monica takes off her jacket and picks up the bottle of water with it)
Monica: My friends, this is the enemy. Our water has been poisoned.
(an aide spits out a mouthful of water)
Monica: Do not drink it. Don't even look at it.
Steve: Has she lost her mind?! Where is she getting this?!
Monica: My friends, while we are out here dying, our government has secured the so-called elites in secret underground bunkers—
(footage of Monica jumping the fence at the army base begins to play over Monica’s shoulder)
Monica: --to protect them from this poison outbreak. Even now, these privileged few are hiding underground. But poor we are out here.
Steve: What the hell is that footage?! Why can't you turn it off?!
(Hardison sits in the control room with his laptop, smiling)
Hardison: Do not adjust your set. I control the horizontal, I control the vertical.
Monica: The water is poisoned.
Steve: What's that typing?! Who's typing this?! Hey, you! Find out who's doing this!
Monica: And I have the proof. I have the proof right here.
(Monica begins to flip through the file but each page only reads “All work and no play makes Monica a dull girl)
Monica: What? No.
(Police come into the studio)
Monica: What?! No. No. No. No! See, they wanna kill me because I know the truth. No. No! No!
(Police tackle Monica as she tries to escape, her purse spills all over the floor)
Steve (looking at pill bottle): These are... Are you on antipsychotics?
Monica: No! They're anti-virals! For the water! Give them to me!
(Police drag Monica to her feet)
Monica: Let go! Let go!
(Steve looks around at the cameras and gestures to the reporter)
Steve: Go. Go. Go.
Reporter: What? What am I supposed to say?
(Reporter moves into the camera view as Monica is dragged away behind her)
Reporter: This is breaking news right here in our own studios at BNI. Monica Hunter is being taken into custody...
Monica: I'm Monica frickin' Hunter!
Reporter: ...after suffering what appears to be a psychotic break live on air.
WMN Reporter: Seeing this public meltdown, what are your thoughts about Monica Hunter's fall from grace?
Ray: I'm just glad that people finally know the truth. And I'm really glad to have my good name back.
(Sarah watches from behind the camera)
WMN Reporter: Thank you, Ray. For now we can only pose the question:
WMN Reporter (on TV): How many other good people did Monica Hunter destroy?
(Eliot is cutting vegetables while Nate opens a bottle of wine and Hardison swirls orange soda in a wine glass)
Nate: Ray was the beginning. I'm telling you, every person that Hunter slandered is gonna get a second chance.
Parker (holds up photo): Loch Ness Monster.
Hardison: Loch Ness submarine.
Eliot: Scottish waters are cold and deep. It's a perfect place to test.
Parker (holds up photo): Area 51.
Eliot: That's true.
Hardison: False. She said Area 51, 51.
Eliot: I'm sorry. False. Area 52.
Hardison: Been there.
(Nate walks over to sit next to Sophie at the table and gives her a glass of wine)
Nate: Come on. You had a little bit of fun, right?
Sophie: I mean, it's always fun. I just... No, it didn't really hit the spot. I've, I thought it would be really cool, you know, switching roles, but no. I'm a grifter. For better or worse.
Nate: You're searching for something.
Sophie: Nate, I... Oh, I feel like such an idiot, but, I feel a little bit lost right now.
Nate: Just take your time. Trust me.
Sophie: The irony of that.
Nate: All right, trust me. 'Cause whatever you need, I'm here for ya. Listen, you carried my drunk ass for over a year. You deserve some of the same latitude.
Sophie: You make a good point.
Nate: Now, here is where you say something nice about me.
Sophie: Don't ruin the moment.