(Cospito is driving an armored truck through the streets of Boston)
[radio]: First priority for New England is to get their defense healthy.
Cospito: Their defense is fine, you morons. Allowed an average of ten points per game last year.
[radio]: He was, what, he was seven of...
(several men with guns scramble to put on masks and surround the stopped armored car, placing det cord on the back while one man stands on top of a car firing into the air)
Russian: Everybody down! Down!
(the men duck and the back of the armored car explodes)
(the men rush to the back of the armored car and Cospito puts his hand on his gun, looking into the side view mirror)
Cospito: No. No!
(Cospito gets out and moves around the front of the armored car, holding his gun on the men)
Cospito: Get away from the vehicle!
(the men shoot Cospito in the shoulder and he goes down. The men take many bags from the back of the armored car and begin to move away)
Russian: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right!
(the men take off in a van, leaving Cospito lying on the ground)
Cospito: I've been a cop for the Boston PD for over 20 years. My wife got laid off a couple months ago, I picked up shifts with a security company to make ends meet.
Nate: Mr. Cospito, you were doing a side job for Kerrity Diamonds?
Cospito: Please, call me Joey. I'm feelin' like an old man these days as it is. I was haulin' about ten million in diamonds that day. I'd done that same route five, maybe six times before. No problem.
Nate: Armored car drivers are supposed to stay with the vehicle, right?
Cospito: I'm a cop first. My instinct was stop a robbery in progress. Hell of a job I did, huh?
Nate: One guard for a delivery that size?
(waitress brings Nate a coffee and sits down another glass as well)
Cospito: These days, with companies pinchin' anywhere they can, happens all the time.
Nate: It sounds to me like an inside job.
Cospito: Except they thought the inside man was me. Hey, I know. First guy you look at's a blue collar guy who's got money trouble. Until this investigation's closed and my name is cleared, I'm suspended from the force without pay.
Nate: Yeah, although not much of an investigation.
Cospito: No witnesses, no prints. Trace elements of the explosive they used, fast burning det cord. Medical bills are pilin' up. There's no work for a guy with a bum shoulder and an open investigation.
Nate: All right, listen, Joey. We're gonna do everything we can to help you with that, all right?
Cospito: Never thought it'd be so tough just trying to keep a roof over my family's head, you know?
Cospito: Who's the other drink for?
Nate: The, uh, oh, this? She's uh, the, uh... Nobody.
Hardison: Jim Kerrity III. He took over Kerrity Diamonds four years ago after his old man retired, and in that small amount of time, he drove the business straight into the ground by living way beyond his means.
(Parker is restless on the couch and Eliot pushes her away from him)
Hardison: I'm talkin' drugs, booze, women.
(Parker continues to moves restlessly)
Hardison: According to his credit card statements... What? Why? What are you doin'?
Eliot: It's distracting.
Parker: The couch is feeling a little empty.
Nate: Eliot, will you please sit next to Parker.
Eliot: No, I'm sittin' here now.
Nate: Guys, guys. We all miss Sophie. I, we just have to adapt.
Hardison: I got this. Move, go.
(Hardison sits next to Parker on the couch)
Hardison: You happy? (picks up keyboard) Now, Kerrity's finances are a mess. Maxed out, maxed out, overdrawn. According to the insurance claim, he stands to gain nine million from the armored car robbery.
Nate: You know, a guy like this gets in over his head, you know, and his insurance policy starts to look attractive.
Eliot: Hires a couple of thugs, knocks off his own truck.
Hardison: It's a sweet payout, too. He gets the insurance claim, plus he still has the diamonds.
Eliot: Mm-hmm. And honest people like Joey take the heat.
Nate: You know what, the thing about this that people don't understand is insurance fraud, it's a lot of red tape, and with a big claim like this, it'll take a year before Kerrity sees any money, and the bill collectors are not gonna wait around. He's gotta fence the diamonds.
Parker: He can't. (grabs the remote and changes the monitors)
Eliot: What do you mean?
Parker: His diamonds are GIA certified, VVS clarity, all about two carats.
Hardison: That's my clicker.
Parker: Who stole the Polar Star? (raises her hand) Who stole the Gem of Gibraltar? Damiani raid? Me. I know diamonds, and our bad guy can't fence those diamonds because stones that size have an ID number laser-inscribed on them.
Eliot: So it’s like a stolen car. Gotta clean the VIN before you can sell 'em.
Nate: How do you get that ID number off?
Parker: With a special laser. But only three guys can do it. Antwerp, Dubai, Tel Aviv.
Nate: And as of right now, Boston. Right? I mean, Kerrity has to move his diamonds, so we convince him that we're the only people who can make them clean enough to move.
Hardison: Get them to bring the diamonds to us.
Nate: And when he shows up, uh, oh, Hardison, can you put the crime scene photos?
Eliot: State Police guy, Lieutenant Bonanno.
Nate: Yeah. So we drop Kerrity on his lap with the stolen diamonds. Lieutenant Bonanno drops the hammer. Our guy gets cleared, gets his job back.
Eliot: Pardon me, but I don't mean to stop the fun train. We're out a grifter here.
Parker: I know who we can call.
Nate: Now, we're not gonna call Sophie. No, she has asked for space and we're gonna honor that. No. Hardison, you're gonna be our grifter.
Hardison: I'm listening.
Eliot: What? No, no, no.
Nate: Parker, you'll be the roper.
Nate: Cute dress, heels, you'll be fine.
Parker: Sure, I'll be fine.
Nate: Eliot, you'll be the muscle.
Parker: Buy me a drink?
Man: You got it. (gestures to the bartender and puts his hand on Parker’s knee) So?
(Parker grabs his fingers and breaks them, then picks up a briefcase and hits him in the chest before heading away, almost falling)
Nate: Parker? Parker.
(At the American Embassy, Parker gropes behind her and grabs a fork from the table, stabbing Nicolas with it. Everyone looks in their direction. Nicolas calls for help and Parker dives off the balcony)
Parker: Yeah, I'll be fine.
(later Parker is crouched behind the counter talking on the phone)
Parker: I will not be fine. I stabbed that guy with a fork.
Sophie: Parker, Parker, relax. It's fine. Listen. Go to Nate's cupboard and you're gonna find a sexy little mini-dress and my emergency Jimmy Choos.
Parker: Jimmy who? You have a body in Nate's closet?
Sophie: Shoes, Parker. Didn't I teach you any...? All right, listen. This is the important bit. Do you still have the Rosalind Diamond you stole in Perth?
Sophie: Wear it. The diamond will speak for you. You won't have to say a word. This is the key to the grift. You just trust the character. Say nothing, trust the diamond.
Parker: I can do that. Don't tell Nate I called.
Sophie: I won't.
(Parker walks in wearing a slinky dress and a very large diamond)
Parker: Where's the mark?
Nate: Yeah, Kerrity's at the bar. Gold Rolex, purple tie.
Parker: Say nothing. Trust the diamond. Say nothing and trust the diamond.
Nate: Parker, what are you saying?
Parker: Nothing. And trusting the diamond. (sits next to Kerrity) I'll have an Appletini.
Kerrity: They make them strong here.
Parker: Oh, do they?
Kerrity: Is that an Australian pink diamond? Is that the Rosalind? That's an impressive, uh, replica.
Parker: It's the original.
Kerrity: I'll have to take your word for it. I have people who certify these things for me.
Nate: Do you want to take a closer--
Parker: You want a closer look?
(Kerrity moves closer and picks up the diamond)
Nate: No stabbing, Parker.
Kerrity: This is a very famous diamond. How did you get it?
Parker: It was a gift from my boyfriend.
Parker: He works in diamonds.
Kerrity: So do I. And I would love to talk shop with the man who managed to get his hands on the, uh, the Rosalind Diamond.
(Parker leads Kerrity into the pool area of the bar where Hardison and Eliot are playing pool))
Hardison: No. Come here. What have I said? What have I said about new people, huh? What have I said?!
(Eliot grabs Kerrity and slams him down on the pool table)
Parker: Hey, it's OK. This guy works in diamonds. He wants to talk business or something.
Hardison: All right. Lay the arms down, brother. He's cool.
(Eliot lets Kerrity go)
Hardison: You have to excuse my bodyguard. He's touchy. It's 'cause he's a mute. All right?
Kerrity: Yeah, well, my bodyguards don't talk much either.
(several men move in on either side of Eliot. One of them is the Russian)
Nate: Well, looks like we found our armored car robbers.
(Eliot turns and punches one of the men in the stomach, knocking him back, then turns and punches another as the Russian pulls his gun. Eliot grabs the second man and puts him between himself and the Russian)
Hardison: Gonna shoot through your own mate, then?
Russian: To be honest with you, I never liked him.
Hardison: Legit. Goon squad and all, isn't it? Stand down.
(Kerrity nods at the Russian, who lowers his gun. Eliot lets the man he’s holding go)
Kerrity: Jim Kerrity.
Hardison: You're Jim Kerrity? Kerrity Diamonds? No. Brother, you got it all last week.
Kerrity: The heist. Yes, that was me.
Hardison: So did you use the Romanovs back there or just hire out? I'm in the business, Jimmy boy. I can smell an inside job.
Kerrity: So, what do you do in the business, Mr...?
Hardison: Oh, I'm a thief. They call me the Ice Man.
Nate: Ice Man? No, Hardison, you have to, uh, have a light touch. Undersell.
Kerrity: What kind of thief calls himself a thief?
Hardison: An uncatchable one with a brilliant reputation. You've seen my work in Perth. The Polar Star? Nicked it. The Gem of Gibraltar? Nicked it. The Damiani raid? Distraction while I nicked everything in the vault next door. Big stones, trust me.
(behind Hardison, Parker is pacing angrily)
Kerrity: Yeah, then I shouldn't be seen talking to you.
Hardison: Right, right, right. 'Cause two criminals can't talk business while shootin' pool. Bitch of it is nickin' 'em's butter. Movin' 'em's the pain.
Kerrity: Yes, especially with those inscribed ID numbers.
Hardison: No, no, no. I got this laser, see? Only one in the country, mind you. This thing, I had to bring over piece by soddin' piece from Turkmenistan. It can scrub an ID clean off any diamond. Re-virginized.
Kerrity: And what kind of fee do you charge for such a specialized service?
Hardison: Thirty percent.
Kerrity: Five percent.
Hardison: Thirty percent.
Kerrity: No way in hell.
Hardison: See, that's the discounted rated, brother. 'Cause anything lower than that is an insulted rate, 'cause it's an insult to me. Savvy? You, uh, you ring me when you wisen up, hear? (writes a number on a napkin and hands it to Kerrity)
Kerrity: Thanks, but no thanks, brother.
(Kerrity tosses the napkin on the table and walks away. The Russian moves forward and picks up the number before following him)
Eliot: Ice Man?
Hardison: Hey, I put a lot of work into that character. No, no. No, I bought new clothes, ugly as hell, too.
Eliot: This always happens when you go on the grift, Hardison.
Kerrity: I put stories on the website.
Eliot: You go too big.
Parker: Sophie told me to say as little as possible, let the character do the work.
Nate: When did, uh, Sophie say that?
Parker: A long time ago. Maybe last Christmas. I don't even think it was Sophie.
Nate: I'm gonna go put more pressure on Kerrity. I want you guys to be on the clear-out. Ice Man, play it cool. That's just an awful, awful name.
Hardison: It's genius.
Eliot: When you get in too deep on this, I ain't bailin' your ass out.
Hardison: I don't need you to bail me out. I'm the Ice Man.
Eliot: Not. Gonna. Help.
Russian: We did a job and you haven't paid.
Kerrity: I told you, you do the job, the insurance pays out and then you get your ten percent.
Russian: Sell the diamonds while you wait for the insurance money, hmm? Use the Englishman to launder them. (hands Kerrity the napkin with Hardison’s number)
Kerrity: Yeah, I'll do that when his 30 percent comes out of your ten percent.
Russian: You know that is a mathematical impossibility, hmm?
Guard: There's a Mr. Sterling here from the insurance company.
Kerrity: What did I tell you? What did I tell you? He's probably here to drop off a check, OK? Get outta here. I'll call you. Come on, come on. (Russian leaves) Yes!
(Kerrity goes to meet Nate at the door)
Kerrity: Mr. Sterling, I'm, uh, I'm Jim Kerrity. So glad you could stop by.
Nate: I just wanted to introduce myself. Your claim has raised a lot of red flags, and I'm in the red flag department. My company has asked me to review your entire policy, just to make sure no mistakes were made.
Kerrity: I can assure you that nobody takes security more seriously than I do. In fact, that's the reason I hired what I was told was the best armored car service in town. My vault has a seismic sensor. No other company in Boston has that.
Nate: Yeah, well I'm sure all that will be taken into consideration, Mr. Kerrity. Yes, mm-hmm.
Kerrity: Good. So, uh, how long do you think this is gonna take? I've got a business to run here.
Nate: Assuming no problems arise, you should expect to see a check in, uh, oh, seven to nine, uh...
Nate (laughs): Months. Mm, yeah.
Nate: Well, I'll be in touch. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
(Nate leaves and Kerrity begins to look nervous. He goes to his desk and picks up the napkin with Hardison’s number on it)
Eliot (on phone): I know. He's driving me crazy. How, huh? I'm backup, they can't rely on me. All right, all right. Hey, thanks. Don't tell Nate I called.
Parker: Who was that?
Eliot: Cable company.
Eliot: Whoa! Whoa! What are you people doin' here?!
Woman: We work here. Who are you?
Parker: We're with OSHA.
Eliot: We issued a class-one evacuation notice for this facility effective 24 hours ago.
Parker: This place is on lockdown for chemical exposure.
Eliot: Nobody read the memo?
Parker: Did nobody read the memo?! You, cough!
(Parker holds a pad to the woman’s mouth and she coughs into it)
Woman: What chemical?
Eliot: Given the set-up for this place, it could be a matrix of solid phase sulfates, uh, nitrates.
(Parker shows a blackened pad to the woman)
Woman: That's inside me?
Eliot: Honey, your lungs are a parking lot, sweetheart.
Parker: And in that parking lot, the diagonal lines are painted with poison.
Eliot: People, move towards the door, all right?
Parker: Do not inhale unless you are 50 feet from the entrance. Yeah.
(all the workers leave the room)
Eliot: This should all be taken care of by tomorrow, so nothin' will...
(Parker and Eliot remove their white suits. Eliot places a camera on the clock)
(the lab shows up on the monitors)
Nate: OK, I've got a visual.
Kerrity: Where's Mr. Ice?
Parker: He's late. He's always late.
(a car revs outside)
(Kerrity and the Russian move to the window to see Hardison pulling up in a Porsche)
Kerrity: Hmm. Subtle.
Hardison (enters lab): The Ice Man cometh. Let me introduce you to my laser, Glinda. You see, I found that laser fluences below the diamond graphitization threshold are most effective. Wouldn't you say?
Hardison: Did you bring the diamond?
Kerrity (holds up a diamond): Two carats. Very few flaws, my salesman said.
Hardison (takes the diamond): She's a beaut. Sheila, get us a pop.
(Parker moves away as Hardison puts the diamond into the laser)
Because this will be classified IF, an internally flawless two-carat round-cut—
Hardison: --diamond, it should be easy to oblate.
[Laser Lab Office]
(Parker walks to a desk and opens a drawer full of diamonds. She pulls out a tray and grabs one similar to the one that Kerrity had brought)
Nate: You got that, Parker?
Parker: How is this gonna fool him?
(Parker sticks the diamond to the bottom of a pop can)
Nate: He's not looking at the diamond, he's looking at the ID number.
(the laser begins to move around the edge of the diamond)
Hardison: ID numbers are etched at a depth between five and seven microns. Using nanoblation, the UV laser pulses irradiate the etching. (takes the pop from Parker) Thank you, sweets. (takes a drink and removes the diamond from the bottom of the can) Should be about done.
(Hardison hands Parker back the can and takes the diamond from the laser, switching it with the one Parker had given him. He then hands Parker’s diamond to Kerrity, who checks it for ID numbers)
Kerrity: It's like it was never there.
Hardison: I could do the rest in a day, but I'm only here for another week. I've got a thing in Antwerp.
Kerrity: All right. Well, let's, uh, let's do it tomorrow?
Kerrity: Excellent, Mr. Ice.
(Kerrity and his men leave the lab)
Nate: All right, nice work, guys. Tomorrow, when he shows up with the diamonds, the state police will be there.
Eliot: Why, so they can arrest Hardison's ego?
Hardison: Be cool, baby. Ice cool. Hey, who wants to go for a spin?
Eliot: Can't believe you rented a Ferrari.
Parker: I'll get a ride home with Eliot.
(Eliot and Parker move away and get into his truck before driving away)
Hardison: Y'all are just jealous. Oh, they just jealous, baby. Don't worry about that. Look at ya. Lookin' better than green...
(a van pulls up and men grab Hardison)
(Hardison is handcuffed to a chair as the Russian pours a drink)
Russian: You, my friend, are the answer to all my problems.
Hardison: What exactly are we celebratin'?
Russian: We are stealing Kerrity's diamonds. (drains his drink) Again.
Hardison: You guys are gonna scrump his jewels?
No. Not "you guys." "Us guys." We know where the diamonds are kept in the vault. We need someone to bust the diamonds out of the vault.
Hardison: It's très bold, brothers. It's très bold.
Russian: We go in tonight. You clean the stones with your laser. We sell them and make a ton of money.
Hardison: Diamond Jim is droppin' the stones by my lab tomorrow. Why not pick it up in transit?
Russian: Is that what the Ice Man would do, huh?
Hardison: It's not really my style, but--
Russian: Too many variables. We have a way in and out of a vault. We take diamonds in a controlled situation. We'll be a long way gone before Kerrity notice he's been robbed.
(Hardison just looks at the Russian)
Russian: What? (pulls gun and puts it on the desk) Is there a problem? Hmm?
Hardison: No. (picks up drink) To our success.
(the Russian gives a toast in Russian)
Hardison: Uh, um, cheers, mate. Uh, I need to make a quick call. Bug the old lady. Let her know I'm not makin' it in tonight. You know birds.
Russian: Of course. (gives Hardison his phone)
Hardison (makes call): Yeah, yeah. Sheila, not makin' it in tonight. Yeah, work thing. Bugger all.
Sophie: Hardison? Are you calling me in character?
Hardison: I told you, butternut. It's work. I can't get out of it.
Sophie: What accent is that? Ooh. Ooh, you've been nabbed.
Hardison: Afraid so.
Sophie: Is it the mark?
Hardison: No. No, muffin, no.
Sophie: It's the goons. You oversold the part.
Sophie: You fell into the trap of the overzealous henchman.
Sophie: Don't worry. It happens all the time. As long as they're not Russians.
Hardison: It's gonna be a bit of a problem.
Sophie: It's the Russians? I'm gonna have to phone Nate.
Hardison: Uh, leave it off, crumpet.
Sophie: No, no, no, listen. Hardison—
Sophie: --you cannot talk your way out of Russians.
Sophie: I mean, you can stall them maybe for a bit, but whatever you do--
Sophie: --do not tell them you can do anything else. (hangs up)
Hardison: Smooches. Love her. (puts down phone) So do these other blokes talk, or just you?
Russian: No. Let me show you the plan.
(the Russian leads a handcuffed Hardison deeper into some tunnels)
Nate: Hey, Hardison, I just got an interesting phone call.
Nate: Sophie tells me you've been recruited by the Russians.
Eliot: I had courtside seats, man. Tell Hardison if he makes it out alive, I'm gonna snap him in half.
Nate: Uh, Eliot says hi. So, what's the plan there, Ice Man?
Hardison: Oi! Just so I'm clear, you want me to help break into Kerrity's vault—
Hardison: --and steal his diamonds?
Nate: Oh, beautiful.
Russian: We'll blow the floor of the vault and climb through.
Hardison: So, what you're sayin' is we're gonna explode through the ceiling of a tunnel, use a det cord and climb into the vault through the floor?
Russian: Yes. This is what I just say.
Eliot: Det cord. That's how they blew the armored truck.
Parker: Exploding through the floor will set the sensor off. Tunnel's a terrible way in.
Nate: Hardison, you're gonna tell 'em their plan won't work.
Parker: Tunnel is a horrible way in.
Nate: I heard you, Parker.
Hardison: Yeah, you know, um, I'm-I'm sor-I'm sorry, comrades, but your plan is ronk. See, the explosion will trip the seismic sensor. We'll have the Feds on our asses in no time.
Russian: Well, then. (holds a gun to Hardison’s neck) The world's greatest thief have to take us another way, hmm?
Hardison: Yeah, I'll get you into Kerrity's vault. No need to be pissy, mate.
Nate: Oh, yes. Of course you will.
Nate: Now, listen. Hardison, figure out a way to buy some time so we can get you outta this. Yeah, get busy. (takes out earbud)
(later, Nate attempts to use Hardison’s laptop)
Nate: Guys, guys, I can't make any sense of Hardison's files.
Eliot: You can't track him, man, he's the one that does the tracking.
Nate: Yeah, well, maybe he left it on.
Parker: What if we tell him to make a run for it?
Eliot: Well, they'll kill him.
Parker: If he goes along with their plan, they'll get arrested.
Nate: We gotta find another way for Hardison to break in.
Parker: We need a closer look at the vault.
Nate: Yeah, I'm workin' on it. I...
Parker (hands out a can): Hairspray. You'll need this.
Eliot: Let me ask you a question. Hardison helps these Russians steal the evidence, how are we gonna prove Kerrity set up the robbery?
Nate: Yeah, I'm workin' on it. I-It's...
(Nate moves away, then comes back for a clip board and takes the can Parker holds out to him)
Nate: Do not call Sophie.
(Kerrity lets Nate into the building)
Kerrity: Mr. Sterling. Good news, I hope.
Nate: Uh, it's too early to tell. Mm. Uh, the claim is on your jeweler's block coverage policy. In order to verify the eligibility of your coverage, I'm gonna need to see your vault. You understand if there's any discrepancy between what you say your security is and what your security actually is, well, that would invalidate the claim.
Kerrity: I can assure you my vault is as good as I claimed.
Kerrity: All right, all right. I'll show it to you myself. Come on.
Kerrity: Thirteen-ton steel door. Can withstand 12 hours of drilling.
Hardison: Now, the door can withstand up to 12 hours drillin'. You can't use force.
Kerrity: The lock has a million possible combinations, and I'm the only one who knows the combo. The magnetic sensors are deactivated by punching a color code into the RGB keypad.
Hardison: If he has an RGB keypad, we're buggered. They're unhackable.
Parker: RGB keypad, let me see.
(Nate uses a camera pen to zoom in on the keypad)
Parker: Move the camera left. No, vault left.
(Parker and Eliot look at the video of the vault)
Parker: All right, then you have to do this my way. Remove the sensor while keeping the magnetic field intact. You're going to need a four inch...
Hardison: A four inch by four inch aluminum plate, double-sided tape and a Phillips head screwdriver. Come on.
Russian: Got it.
(Kerrity opens the vault door and they move inside)
Kerrity: Pressure sensitive tiles, disabled with the keypad right here.
Nate: Two cameras. Who monitors the feeds?
Kerrity: The guard upstairs, 24 hours a day. I also have a monitor in my office.
Nate: Heat sensors? Motion sensors?
Kerrity: Yes. But to minimize false alarms, the alarm only goes off if both heat and motion are detected. The keypad over there disables it. Please.
Eliot: Hardison's not gonna be able to do anything if the heat sensors are on.
Parker: Nate, use the hairspray. It creates a film that blocks the heat.
Kerrity: Heat sensor over here, and this is the seismic sensor. Any sound louder than my voice and it triggers. The alarm will sound.
Nate: You know, I noticed your box numbering system is off. It goes from 82 to 84. It's uh, yeah, it's... It's very, uh, strange. (sprays heat sensor) It's...
Kerrity: Ah, it's right here. 83. Oh! There it is.
Nate: Sorry. My mistake, of course. What's that?
Kerrity: Security fog.
Kerrity: If the alarm triggers, that door locks down and the vault fills with a glycol-based, non-transparent fog. Visibility is zero. You can't steal what you can't see.
Nate: And the fog is triggered by the floor?
Kerrity: Triple wired. It'll go off at the touch of the--
Kerrity: --tiles, the motion sensor and the seismic sensor.
Kerrity: Lockdown, full fog, cops on the way.
Nate: Mmm. You are very proud of your security system, aren't you, Mr. Kerrity?
Kerrity: I spare no expense, Mr. Sterling. (walks away)
Nate: How bad is it?
Parker: No way Hardison's gonna be able to break into that vault.
Hardison: What is Hardison gonna do?
Nate: Hardison is gonna pretend to break into the vault.
Eliot: Yeah, well, hopefully the Russians will only pretend to kill him.
Nate: No one's getting killed. We're gonna break in for him.
Nate: We're gonna do this quick and dirty. You guys break into the vault before Hardison does, so the Russians think he's doing it.
Parker: Why not? He's been taking credit for my work all day anyway.
Nate: Then Hardison'll lead the Russians into the vault a few paces behind him.
Parker: Hey, I got something.
(video feed shows the interior of Kerrity Diamonds)
Eliot: Hardison hacked into the security feed before he left.
Nate: Well, well. I'm just gonna have to keep Kerrity out of his own vault.
Russian: So, brilliant plan to get us inside?
Hardison: Oh, believe it. So, uh, what deposit box are the stolen diamonds in?
Russian: You get us in, we'll tell you.
(Kerrity is placing a necklace on a woman’s neck)
Kerrity: Wow, that looks beautiful. Three hundred thousand dollars on your neck. (Nate knocks on the door) Oh. Amy, I'm gonna meet you at the bar, sweetie, OK? You'll earn that later. Let's go. Excellent. This had better be important.
Nate: Yeah. Can we talk somewhere private?
(Kerrity leads Nate into his office. Another knock sounds on the door. The guard looks at the video feed from outside and sees an armored car parked in front of the building)
Guard: When did he get here? (buzzes the door open)
Eliot (whistles): Yo, yo. Late night, man. (pushes the cart to the counter) Is there a register I'm supposed to look at? (knocks guard out) Sorry, buddy.
(Parker is lying near the camera, high on the building, holding a picture of an armored car up to the camera)
Eliot: OK, Parker, you're clear. Come on down.
(Parker rappels down to the sidewalk)
Nate: The, uh, inspection of your vault did reveal a few issues. Uh, the magnetic sensor is an S-2000.
Kerrity: That's right. It's the latest one.
Nate: Sorry, but, uh, your policy indicates that it is an S-950 model, and that, my friend, is a discrepancy.
Kerrity: It's a better version.
Nate: Yeah, well, no. I mean, Mr. Kerrity, you know, given this new, uh, this new information, I'm sure that my company will most certainly deny your, uh, your claim.
Kerrity: Look, I could be drinking champagne with a tall brunette sitting in my lap right now. Why'd you have to come here and tell me this tonight?
Nate: Well, I came down here tonight to present to you a, uh, a different option, you know, one that, uh, you know, I have to tell you about in person. (moves to block the security monitor)
(Parker lays a magnetic strip over the two halves of the sensor)
Parker: This will hold them together.
Eliot (hands her a screwdriver): Electric's faster.
Parker: Vibrations will set off the seismic sensor.
(Eliot leaves the vault as Parker moves the sensors to one side and replaces them with false sensors. She then works on getting the combination)
(outside, Hardison, the Russian and his men exit a dark van and begin approaching the doors)
Hardison (to comm): Eliot, approaching the building. Approaching the building. (to Russian) Wait here, all right? Gotta handle the initial break-in myself. Too many cooks and all. (knocks on door) Oi! Delivery.
(Eliot buzzes Hardison in. Hardison fakes punching Eliot, who goes down. Hardison continues to fake beating Eliot up)
Eliot: Next time, I'm playing the thief.
Hardison: I'd like to hear you do an accent.
Eliot: I'd like to hear you do an accent.
Hardison: I went to Second City in Chicago.
(outside the Russian and his men watch Hardison beating Eliot)
(Parker writes the combination to the vault on the handle in what looks like invisible ink)
Eliot: When’d you find time between that and karate at the Y?
Hardison: You know what? Just shut up.
Parker: Shut up, guys.
(Parker gets the rest of the combination and enters it into the keypad, then opens the vault door)
Nate: A private arrangement could be made, you know, to, uh, perhaps ease some of the paperwork.
Kerrity: Are you talking about a bribe?
Nate: No, no, no. Listen, I prefer to look at it as a processing fee. Yeah, an agreement between two gentlemen who understand each other.
Hardison: Lay down. Stop moving.
(Hardison delivers one more fake blow. Eliot rolls to his side and plays dead)
Russian: How about that?
(Hardison buzzes the Russian and his men in, they head for the vault leaving Eliot to get up once they’re gone)
(Parker hangs on to the vault door as it swings shut, then jumps to an overhead pipe)
(Eliot watches Parker move across the vault in a security monitor)
Elliot: Stuck it.
(Parker moves across the vault to an electrical panel and opens it. Outside the vault, Hardison, the Russian and his goons enter the area. Hardison shakes an aerosol can as he heads toward the vault)
Hardison: This little baby will deactivate the magnetic sensors. (sprays sensors)
Russian: Smells like... patchouli.
Hardison: Does it?
(Hardison pulls out a stethoscope and puts the ends in his ears. He takes a blue light and surreptitiously uses it to read the numbers Parker had written on the door)
Eliot: Parker wrote the combination in invisible ink on the door next to you. She's in there, but she hasn't deactivated the floor yet. Take your time with the tumblers.
Russian: You are really everything you claimed.
Hardison (pulls stethoscope from his ears): Sorry?
Russian: I said you're really everything you claimed.
Hardison: If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.
Russian: Yes, you are. Yes, you are. I'm sorry. Just a saying. English, very tricky.
(Hardison goes back to working on the combination)
Eliot (watching security monitors): Hardison, slow down. You're breezing through that combo, like, way too fast. Parker, what's your ETA?
Parker (still working on electrical panel): Not ready yet. Floor is still hot.
Eliot: Nate, our timing's not gonna work out.
Nate: Look, Kerrity, you could have the insurance company process your claim, and go through it by the book and everything, and I guarantee you, you'll see your money. Just soon as hell freezes over.
Nate: Or you, uh, accept my alternative terms and, you know, we, uh, we both win.
Kerrity: Who do you think you are, huh? They let you out of your little insurance cubicle once a year to hustle honest customers?
Nate: Look, Kerrity, you know, you and I both know--
Kerrity: You come in here way after hours thinking you can extort me for a bribe? Get the hell outta here.
Eliot: Parker, get a move on. Nate and Hardison are way ahead of you.
Parker: The floor is clear. (falls to floor)
Eliot: Nate, Parker's still in the vault.
Kerrity: Get the hell out of my office!
Nate: No, I'm not goin' anywhere.
Russian: Are you gonna finish this up, Mr. Ice?
Hardison: Right, right. Yeah, sure. Just... (turns the dial) There it goes. Got it. I found it. Uh, how indeed.
(inside, Parker is standing near the boxes)
Parker: I need 60 seconds.
Eliot: Well, can you turn invisible in 60 seconds? They're bustin' in there.
(Hardison enters the combination on the keypad and turns the wheel to open the door)
Eliot (watching on monitors): Parker, you're out of time.
Parker: I'm not ready.
(the door opens and Parker turns to look. The Russian and his men rush in, followed more slowly by Hardison)
(the Russian says something in Russian, then moves to touch one of the boxes)
Russian: Box 72.
Hardison: I'm on it. (pulls out tools to begin picking the lock)
Eliot: She didn't crack those.
Eliot: She didn't have time. You moved too fast. You're gonna have to improvise.
Hardison: What? What? (to Russian) Do you mind? Personal space.
(Kerrity pulls a gun from his desk and gets up, pointing it at Nate)
Kerrity: What part of, "Get the hell out of my office" don't you get?
Nate: Mr. Kerrity, I'm in insurance. Now, if you think that I've never been threatened by a firearm before, you're quite mistaken.
Kerrity: Well, why don't you consider this gun your little security escort.
(Kerrity pushes Nate away from the monitor and catches sight of what’s going on in the vault)
Kerrity: What the hell? Is this a setup? (rushes out of the office)
Nate: Guys, uh, Kerrity's on his way down.
Hardison: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Do you hear that? Diamond Jim's comin' down here. You, you go and stop him while I nick the diamonds.
(the Russian and his men turn to the vault doorway as Kerrity comes in)
Kerrity: Hey! What the--What the hell is goin' on here? What are you doin' here?
Russian: We're taking matters into our own hands. Instead of ten percent, 100 percent, minus, uh, his cut. (turns to look at Hardison, who is gone) Where is he?!
(the vault door closes and alarms begin to blare)
Kerrity: What the hell's goin' on?
(fog begins to fill the room)
Russian: What is this?
Kerrity: The security system. What the hell was that?
Hardison: Shh! Do you hear that? Diamond Jim's comin' down here. You go and stop him while I nick the diamonds.
(the Russian and his men turn to the vault doorway. Hardison backs away. Parker steps out of one of the larger boxes and pulls Hardison into it)
Hardison: Thank you, and I mean thank you, but how are we gettin' out of here?
(Parker pulls out some sort of electronic device)
Hardison: What is that?
Parker: Shh! Pull your arms in.
(the device beeps as Parker enters a code. After a moment, an explosion collapses the floor beneath them and they fall into the tunnels below where Eliot helps Parker to her feet)
Eliot: Det cord.
(the vault door opens and police come in, grabbing the Russian’s men and throwing them against the walls)
Officer: You, you, against the wall.
Bonanno (seeing the gun in Kerrity’s hand): What is that? A gun? Drop it.
(Kerrity drops the gun)
Bonanno: Mr. Kerrity. Well, that's a hell of a month you're havin', huh? I mean, first a nine million dollar armored car heist and now this?
Kerrity: What are you doin' here?
Bonanno: Well, your alarm was activated. You see, and that notifies the local police, which notifies me.
Kerrity: Right, but you don't have to worry about anything, lieutenant. It was a false alarm. And we've taken care of it. You guys don't have to stick around anymore. You can go.
Russian: Uh, we tried to stop a robbery. Box 72.
Kerrity: It's empty.
(Bonanno goes to the box and opens the door, finding a stack of diamonds and uniforms from the security company)
Bonanno (whistles): Well, you said in your report that your last shipment of loose diamonds was stolen en route. Now, what do you know? And that's the same logo as your armored car company. I'm sure when we check these diamonds out, they're not gonna have the same ID numbers as the missing ice. I'm sure of that. You sure of that, Mr. Kerrity?
(Nate stands at the mouth of the tunnel as Hardison, Parker and Eliot approach and file past him)
Hardison: Thought we couldn't use this tunnel.
Nate: A tunnel's a horrible way in, but it's a great way out.
Nate: Your name's been totally cleared.
Cospito: I'm back on the force as of Monday. Shoulder's pretty much healed up, too.
Nate: Excellent. Kerrity and his goons, they went down for insurance fraud and theft. Business has basically collapsed, and, uh, we, uh, we managed to, uh, retrieve something from, uh, the wreckage for, uh, you know, help with our medical costs.
(Nate lays a briefcase on the table. Cospito peeks inside)
Cospito: Where'd this come from?
Hardison: Should be about done.
(Hardison switches the marked diamond for an unmarked diamond and pockets the marked diamond)
Kerrity: It's like it wasn't even there.
Eliot: What are you smilin' at? You still screwed it up.
Hardison: I'm smiling 'cause you said if I got in trouble, you wouldn't help me.
Eliot: Parker made me.
Parker: No, I didn't.
Hardison: Come on, man. Let's hug it out.
Eliot: I'm not huggin' it out, Ice Man.
Hardison: Just hug it... Just a little man love.
(Hardison puts his arm around Eliot’s shoulders. Eliot tries to push him away)
Eliot: I'm not huggin' it out with you. No...
Hardison (stands to move closer to Eliot): It’s not—
Eliot: Sit down in your stool.
Hardison: Don't make this awkward.
Eliot: What are you doin', man?
Hardison: This is uncomfortable now.
(Hardison lays his head on Eliot’s shoulder as Eliot continues to try and push him away)
Hardison: Get in the pits.
Eliot: I'm gonna break your frickin’ arm.
(Nate makes a phone call)
(Sophie’s phone rings, she looks at it in surprise and answers)
Sophie: Not you, too, huh?
Nate: Sorry, what? What do you mean, "Me, too?"
Sophie: Well, you've been captured by Russians?
Nate: Oh, yeah, that. Uh, that could have gone better, no question. Uh... it worked out, though.
Sophie: Oh. It worked out just fine without me, is that what you're saying?
Nate: No, no, I'm not... I'm not, uh, I'm not saying that at all, no. No, I just want to say...
Sophie: To say what?
Nate: I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Nate: Yeah, for bugging you. For them calling. For them calling.
Nate: I-I won't let that happen again. I... Listen, call. Whenever you want. You know... Bye. (hangs up)
(Sophie looks at the phone for a moment, then drops it into her drink)