(Nate and Eliot are sitting at the bar when 2 men walk in)
Chaz: Nate Ford.
(Nate looks at Eliot, who stands, throws his book at Chaz, then grabs the arm of Man 2, twisting it and disarming him. Chaz straightens and points a gun at Eliot as he holds Man 2 in a choke hold)
Nate: You know, you could have Ė
Whitman (entering pub): Called first? Yes, Mr. Ford. I could have called first. (to Chaz) Chaz... put it away.
(Chaz puts his gun away. Eliot lets go of Man 2 and pushes him toward the door. Chaz and Man 2 exit the Pub)
Whitman: My name is Walt --
Nate: Whitman Wellesley IV. Well-funded, on the board of several corporations, foundations. I know who you are.
(Whitman moves closer. Eliot moves to intervene, but Nate stops him)
Whitman: Then you know exactly whatís at risk if you refuse to help me.
Nate: Let me be very clear about something. I help people who have nowhere else to go. I help them against people like you. Thanks for coming.
(Nate turns to walk away, but Whitman grabs his arm to stop him)
Whitman: But you must... (crumbling, crying) help me. (sobbing)
Eliot: Iím gonna...
Eliot: Iím gonna go get Sophie. (walks toward the back of the bar)
Nate: Sophie, yeah.
(some time later Whitman sits next to Sophie at a table, across from Nate)
Whitman: My wife has been kidnapped. Missing for four days now.
Nate: But thereís been no ransom.
Whitman: Not a word. Sheís just... gone.
Sophie: You poor man.
Whitman: Sheís been missing for four days, and thereís no evidence of foul play. The FBI has given up on the case.
Nate: Thatís why youíre here. She left you, Wellesley.
Sophie: Nate, thatís a bit harsh.
Whitman: No, it isnít. Lacey would never deliberately... I know exactly what this looks like. Rich man marries a woman half his age, gets just what he deserves, but Ė
Nate (sarcastic): She was special.
Whitman: Is. I was married for 37 years. My sons are grown, grandkids, too. When Dot died, my first wife, I was... bereft. For two years, I just... went through the motions. I was just waiting till I... stopped.
Sophie: And then you met Lacey and fell in love.
Whitman: She changed me. Restored me.
Nate: If you say so.
Whitman: Whatever you want... itís yours. Just... find my wife. Please.
Nate: I can find your wife. But youíre gonna have to do something for me, a favor, in the future. You have power, influence, something I might find useful.
Whitman: Done. (shakes Nateís hand)
(Nate and Sophie walk toward the conference area)
Nate: Go ahead, say it. Go ahead.
Sophie: I-Iím just saying--
Nate: Saying what?
Sophie: --he loves her.
Nate: Oh, come on. Men like that treat people like possessions. You should know that.
Sophie: Oh, just because heís rich doesnít mean heís heartless.
Nate: Of all people, youíre actually --
Sophie: He was wrecked.
Nate: No, wrecked. I mean Ė
Sophie: You donít have a romantic bone in your body.
(Eliot walks up, laughing)
Nate: Oh, really?
Sophie: And youíre one to laugh. You donít even bother to learn their names. Theyíre just waitress, nurse, stewardess.
Eliot: First of all, itís flight attendant, all right? They donít like being called stewardess. And, second, I know their names.
Parker (walks in): You guys having a three-way?
Parker: Three-way fight?
Hardison (begins presentation): All right, guys. Walt Whitman Wellesley IV. Now, he does look like every other soulless CEO weíve taken down before, but to be honest, this guy gave away more dollars last year than Bill and Melinda Gates. He comes from old money. Iím talking like ďhis ancestors invested in IBM while coming over on the MayflowerĒ old.
Nate: Okay. Now, what about the lovely wife, Lacey?
Hardison: Lovely? She ainít lovely. Lacey Beaumont, she met her future husband at a charity function in the Hamptons. But get this, she bought old boy at one of those bachelor auctions. They get married less than a month later.
Sophie: See? Love at first sight.
Eliot: Yeah, or she wanted to get hitched before the background check went through.
Nate: Yeah, thank you. Okay. So sheís been missing for four days. What can you tell me about that time period?
Hardison: Well, thereís no activity on the credit cards or the bank accounts, but going back to... (shows statements on screen)
Nate: Got a lot of cash withdrawals, over $2 million-plus, all transferred to the same account. Find me that bank.
Hardison: Bankís in the Hamptons, but... (shows information on screen)
Nate: Oh, that account was emptied and closed four days ago.
Sophie: All right, all right, all right. Sheís a grifter. But it doesnít mean that Wellesleyís feelings arenít genuine.
Nate: Oh, come on.
Hardison: Look, guys, sweetheart scams like this usually take, what, six months, right, to pull off? This is a land-speed record. (shows other information on screen) Hereís a list of other wealthy men who married within a month of meeting their spouses.
Eliot: Thatís a lot of mysterious accidents.
Hardison: And they each seem to have met at one of these functions.
Sophie: Well, thatís Laceyís pattern.
Nate: Yeah, well, it looks like Lacey might be a black widow. Iím just saying.
Sophie: Yeah, she may not have killed Wellesley, but sheís out there, spinning her web.
Hardison: Mm-hmm. Now, thereís another charity function tomorrow in the Hamptons. Same deal -- live and silent auctions, real high-end vendors. And when you compare it to your others...
Nate: Everybody, pack your bags. Weíre going to a party. (leads the way toward the door)
Parker: Letís go steal a sweetheart. (looks at Eliot) No? A widow.
Parker: No? Spider?
(Parker and Eliot smile at each other)
Nate (at vendor booth): Lacey will have changed her name and appearance, different hair, colored contacts.
Sophie (across room holding auction card): More than that. If sheís as good as we think she is, then she can change her skin type with makeup, her body shape with clothing, create a whole new person. Parker, any luck?
Parker (taking pictures with her cell phone) : No matches on Hardisonís software yet. (sees jewelry on an older woman and takes picture) Ooh. Sparkly.
Nate: Parker, no burgling.
Parker: But these jewels, theyíre just asking to be taken.
San Gui: Ladies and gentlemen, our annual bachelor auction is about to begin! (applause) I know, I know. Youíre excited. Now letís dig deep into those unallocated funds. Remember, itís for charity.
(Eliot and Hardison are standing among the men to be auctioned off)
Eliot (to Hardison): Steak dinner to whoever gets the highest bid?
Hardison: Iím in.
San Gui: All right ladies. Are we ready for our next bachelor?
Nate: Lacey should be among the high bidders.
Sophie: Parker and I will drive the bids higher by countering. Eliot, pick a bidder and maintain eye contact. Paying attention to one will cement the bid and put all the others off.
Eliot (irritated): Yeah, I got it.
San Gui: Then letís meet Austin, Texas, native Jackson Cooper!
Eliot (to Hardison): Austin, Texas? Did you write that? (walks forward)
San Gui: All right. Now, not only is Jackson the founder of Baren Oil, he also led the underwater team that capped the well in the Gulf. (crowd oohs) Oh, yes.
(Eliot glances back at Hardison)
San Gui: So we are gonna start this auction off at $1,000. Do I hear $1,000? $1,000 right away.
(Woman in the audience holds up a bid card numbered 53)
San Gui: Very good. $1,500. Looking for $1,500. $1,500. $1,500 in the back there! $2,000, $2,000. $2,000. $2,500. Anyone, $2,500?
(Parker holds up bid card)
San Gui: $2,500 right there. We have $3,000. Do I hear $3,000?
(Woman 53 holds up her card)
San Gui: $3,000 to the lovely lady in the front. Looking for $3,500. Come on, ladies, donít be shy.
Sophie (holding up bid card 29): Me, me!
San Gui: $3,500 right there in the back! Do I have $4,000?
(Woman 53 sighs and holds up card)
San Gui: $4,000. $4,000 in front.
Eliot: Thank you, Sophie.
San Gui: Do I have $4,500, anyone? $4,500 over there! $4,500. Going for $5,000.
(Woman 53 holds up card)
San Gui: $5,000 right in front. $5,500 in the back there. We have $5,500. $6,000 over there. $6,500. Thank you. $7,000. $7,000 in the back. Dare we go $7,500?
(another woman holds up a card)
San Gui: $7,500, good. $8,000. $8,500. $8-- wait. Hold on. Hold on.
(Woman 53 holds up 5 fingers twice)
San Gui: We got $10,000 right here. Thatís $10,000 going once. $10,000 going twice. And sold to this lovely lady up front.
(Eliot walks off the stage and approaches Woman 53)
Woman 53: Enchantť.
Eliot: Ooh. French.
Meredith: Photo for the society page?
Eliot: You want to take a picture?
(Eliot moves up beside Woman 53, who stumbles and falls against him)
Woman 53: Ooh.
Eliot: I got you.
Parker: Ooh. Klutz.
Nate: Parker, any luck?
Parker: Got photos of every girl Laceyís age. Still no match. Ooh. Lovely. (takes picture of bracelet)
San Gui: Thatís right, ladies. Letís give it up for our last eligible bachelor, Mr. Steven Melching. Come on, Steven. Steven comes to us straight from his compound in Silicon Valley.
Parker: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
San Gui: So, weíre gonna start this auction off at $1,000.
(Woman in front holds up card 41)
San Gui: $1,000 from the enthusiastic lady in the front. Weíre looking for $1,500. $1,500 up back there. $1,500. Looking for $2,000.
(Woman 41 holds up her card)
San Gui: $2,000, thank you. Looking for $2,500. Going for Ė
San Gui: $2,500 over there. $3,000. Looking for $3,000.
Parker (holds up card 36): Ooh. (takes picture of a watch passing by)
San Gui: $3,000 right here. $3,500 over here. Thank you.
Hardison (into comm): Parker.
San Gui: Looking for $4,000.
Hardison: Parker, Parker. Parker, put your hand up.
San Gui: Looking for $4,000, anybody.
Hardison: You -- you -- You better bid.
San Gui: Anyone.
Parker: What? Iím up. Itís up. Just watch her. (holds up card) Keep your eyes on her. Thereís a steak. Mmm. Steak for you.
San Gui: $4,000 right there. There we go. $4,000. $4,500, anyone? Anyone? $4,500 right here. Looking for $5,000. Whereís $5,000? Do I hear $5,000, anyone? Anyone, $5,000?
(Woman 41 holds up her card, as does Parker)
San Gui: $6,000, right here. $6,000. $6,500 right here.
Parker (holding up her card): Ooh!
San Gui: $7,000. $7,000. Thank you.
(Woman 41 bids)
San Gui: $7,500 up front here.
San Gui: $8,000 in the back there. Looking for $8,500. $8,500 right Ė
(Woman 41 steps forward and holds up her hand 3 times)
San Gui: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a bid for $15,000.
Hardison: You say $15,000?
San Gui: Iím gonna say sold right here! Well done, brother.
Hardison: Iíll be damned. (steps off stage to Woman 41) How you doing?
Woman 41: Hi!
Hardison (leads woman away): Iím getting me a steak dinner. Steak-umms.
(Sophie rolls her eyes and sighs)
Meredith: Remember when women had dignity?
Sophie: Ah, yes. Mystery and allure, too, things of the past, Iím afraid.
Meredith: Iím Meredith.
Sophie: Ah. Lady Charlotte Prentice.
Meredith: Oh, duchess, may I, for the society page?
Sophie: Of course.
Meredith (takes pic): Oh, well, I-I should, uh, go take a photo of the highest bidder with her prize. Nice meeting you.
Hardison: You bid $15,000? Wow. That sure is a lot.
Meredith (walks up with camera): May I?
Hardison: You sure? $15,000?
Woman 41 (stumbles and falls into Hardisonís arms): Oh!
Parker: Oh. Theyíre all klutzes.
Woman 41: Excuse me. Thank you. Youíre so strong.
Parker: Oh. Wait. Theyíre all klutzes.
Sophie: She tripped, too. Thatís odd.
Woman 53 (to Eliot) You have... the bluest eyes.
(Meredith stumbles and falls against Nateís bar)
Nate: Ohh! Hey. How you doing? You okay?
Meredith: Iím -- Iím so sorry. I-I just wasnít looking.
Nate: Ah, looks like the working girl could use a drink.
Meredith: Working girl?
Nate: Iím sorry. NO, I-I didnít mean it like that. I was...
Meredith (takes drink): 50-year-old Balmoor. Mmm.
Nate: Yes, it is, indeed. Cask strength.
Meredith: You know, youíre a lousy vendor. You could have saved a lot of money diluting this without anyone the wiser.
Nate: Moneyís not one of my worries.
(San Gui eyes Sophie from behind, then walks up to her)
San Gui: Outrageous.
San Gui: A lovely lady like you going thirsty.
San Gui: Unacceptable.
San Gui: Champagne? (takes glass from passing tray and hands it to her
Sophie: Look at that. (takes glass) Lady Charlotte Prentice.
San Gui: Oscar San Guillermo. I organize these fundraisers for the local charities. Not a fan?
Sophie: Oh, itís not that. I just Ė
San Gui: I know, I know. Itís a little over the top, but separating all these rich people from their money for a good cause -- thatís forgivable, isnít it?
Sophie: Iíd say.
Nate: To old friends and new. (salutes Meredith with his glass)
Meredith: Ha. (they drink) Ooh.
Woman 41: Your eyes are so deep.
Sophie: E-excuse me one moment, please. Sorry. (moves away from San Gui) Everyone, listen up. This technique, the staring -- itís called soul-gazing. Just two minutes of it can create real feelings of love.
Nate: Itís okay.
Sophie: Nate, the tripping, the soul-gazing -- itís every seduction technique in the book. Theyíre all on script -- every single one of them.
(Sophie looks around the room to see all of the women playing on the men they are with)
Parker: The women -- theyíre all grifters.
Sophie: We came here looking for one Lacey. We stumbled across an entire ring of Laceys. No wonder the meet-to-marry time is so quick. Anyone would be susceptible to this.
Parker: Itís like an assembly line of grift.
Meredith: I have never tried that.
Nate: Oh, Iím gonna get you -- okay. (moves away)
Nate: Sophie, okay. I canít talk right now. You got to take point, okay, and try to get us some information.
Nate: Are you up to doing some lifts?
Parker: Oh, goody. (steals a wallet)
Sophie: Just phones. Weíre only gonna clone them.
Parker: Fine. (puts wallet back)
Nate: Iíll meet you in the lobby in five minutes. Guys, distract the women. Get close to them. Create some heat.
Woman 41: Howíd you swing that?
Hardison: Yeah. Y-you know... Let me get to know you real quick.
(Parker moves up behind Hardison and holds her phone against Woman 41ís purse, cloning her phone)
Nate: All right...
Meredith: Oh. Oh, yeah.
(Nate and Meredith continue to drink as Parker moves through the crowd cloning phones)
Nate: Just very, very...
Eliot: Let me tell you something. I own a vineyard in the south of France.
Sophie (looking at phone information with Parker): Nate, no names, no addresses, nothing to lead us to Lacey.
Parker: Yeah, not even GPS. Theyíre burners. Itís definitely a ring.
Sophie: Letís think about this. Every ring has a leader, someone calling the shots. And to grift on this scale, that leaderís gonna be here to supervise. I know I would.
Parker: You know, these women sometimes kill their marks.
Sophie: I know, but first things first, we need to find out who that leader is. Nate, we need a disruption, give us a chance to see how they interact.
Nate: Just a second. Be right back.
Nate: I mean, it could give us a clue. Parker, pick a fight with Hardisonís date.
Parker: Yeah. (moves toward Hardison)
Hardison: Yeah, sure.
(Parker taps Woman 41 on the shoulder, then punches her in the face, then holds her back with a hand on her head when she tries to retaliate)
Eliot: Are you kidding me?
Sophie: Parker! He didnít mean a literal fight. He meant start an argument.
(Parker and Woman 41 continue to trade blows. Parker pushes Woman 41 down on the stage and holds her there. Hardison jumps the stage and grabs Parker from behind, pulling her away))
Hardison: Hey! He said distract her, not beat her ass. What are you --
Security: Letís go, miss.
Hardison (to security): You gonna stand there and let her get her ass whupped?
Sophie: Whereís your new lady friend?
(Maredith moves to Woman 41 andmakes sure sheís okay, along with a few other women)
Meredith: Come here, sweetie. That was terrible. I canít believe she did that here.
Nate: Nice job of flushing out the leader. (they turn and walk away)
Sophie: Meredithís the ring leader. I should have seen that. The cameraís the perfect cover for watching her girls in action.
Nate: And sheís gonna have files. We find those, we take down the ring.
Sophie: And Lacey.
Nate: Yeah. Iím thinking a Hohe Minne variant.
Sophie: I like your thinking.
(Nate follows Meredith into the room)
Nate: Youíre not a society photographer, are you?
Meredith: And youíre not a purveyor of fine spirits.
Nate: Hey, why donít we think of this as a happy accident? You didnít know we were gonna be here. We didnít know you were gonna be here. All right? But thereís plenty to go around. Come on.
Meredith: You want to partner up?
Nate: Not a bad idea. You know, youíre obviously great with the gentlemen, and we can handle the ladies, so... win-win.
Meredith: I donít know you or what youíre capable of.
Nate: Listen, you might be queen of the Hamptons, but I have fleeced more divorcťes and widows than you could shake a stick at, huh? Thatís me, okay?
Nate: So, uh, I could get any lady I want -- anyone.
Meredith: Prove it.
(they both look across the room at Sophie
Coat Check Girl: Hereís your coat, maíam.
Sophie: No, um... thatís not mine. Mineís a-a silk shawl.
Meredith: Iím Meredith.
Sophie: Oh. Lady Charlotte Prentice.
Meredith: Oh, duchess, may I, for the society page?
Sophie: Of course.
Meredith: That woman at coat check sheís a real duchess. You get her to go out with you within the next 24 hours, Iíll watch you work and make a determination.
Nate: No time like the present.
(Nate begins to walk over to Sophie but San Gui beats him to it)
San Gui: Duchess. (places wrap over her shoulders)
San Gui: Now, at least have a drink with me.
Sophie: Oh, thank you.
(San Gui leads Sophie away. Meredith joins Nate)
Meredith: Gonna have to try a bit harder than that. Looks like someone got a head start. (hands Nate a card) Tomorrow, call that number. Once youíve made your move, Iíll be there. (walks away)
Nate: Eliot, I want you to follow Sophie. Hardison, you track Meredith. They went out the east door, both of them. Now.
(Parker holds an ice bag to her chin as Nate looks at a computer)
Nate: All right, Laceyís in the system because she was reported missing, but the others are not. So I think if... (looks at Parker) All right, all right. Listen, next time, I promise, Iíll use the word ďargumentĒ instead of ďfight.Ē Promise.
Parker: Okay. (smiles and gets up, moving away from the table)
Hardison (walking toward table): Hey.
Hardison: So... (sits down next to Nate and takes over computer)) I-I lost Meredithís town car, but I hacked the GPS. Assuming that she keeps files, theyíre probably at her home or her office, if she uses one. We find those records, we could take down Meredith, Lacey, and the whole ring. Now, based on recurrence of location and calculating duration of stay, according to time codes, I have for you two addresses.
Nate: Okay, Parker, listen. Tomorrow, while Iím running the Hohe Minne scam, I want you to check out these addresses.
Parker (placing pictures of women on a mirror): Whatís a Hohe Minne? (marking map)
Nate: Oh, German -- means ďhigh courtly love.Ē In the middle ages, a knight would undergo challenges to prove himself worthy of a noblewomanís love.
Hardison: Sure seems like a lot of work. Iím just saying. (looks at computer) Hey, man, why do you have Sophieís comm muted? Donít you want to hear how sheís doing? (unmutes comm)
Sophie (on comm): Thatís funny.
Nate: Uh, not really. (mutes comm and moves away)
Hardison (to Parker): What?
Parker: Sophieís real laugh.
Parker: Oh, I get it. Sheís not the noblewoman. Sheís the challenge.
[Nateís Hotel Room]
(Sophie enters on tiptoe)
Nate: Hmm? Oh! Awake! Iím awake. That was... kind of a long time there.
Sophie: Well, San Guillermo asked me out. (drops shoes) I had to make it look real. (climbs on bed) If I had turned him down, Meredith might have suspected that I was in your crew, or she could have had someone watching me from the moment she picked me out as your mark. Anyway, Oscar gives you some healthy competition...
Sophie: Helps sell the con.
Sophie: What? Are you jealous? Hmm? Just a little bit? Hmm?
Nate: I was busy. Whatís with all this laughing and stuff that was going on?
Sophie: What, mm? Busy listening in on comms, I hope.
Nate: No, but I -- you were -- You had that kind of like ďha.Ē
Sophie: Getting a few tips and ideas from Oscar?
Nate: What ideas?
Sophie: Well, ideas about romance and setting the mood and seduction and compliments and... mm, dating stuff.
Nate: Okay. First of all, I know how to do all that stuff. I know what all thatís about. And I know how to date. Iíve dated before, Sophie. I -- itís how we Ė
Sophie: No. I mean, we havenít defined what we are. But weíre definitely not dating.
Nate: Okay, but Ė
Sophie: Listen, you want to get close to Meredith, then you donít have to actually, you know, seduce me. You just have to convince her that youíre capable of seducing me, make it believable.
Nate: Okay. Hereís what -- hereís what weíre gonna do. Weíre gonna set up a -- a meet cute, all right? And, um -- and Iím gonna start by saying, ďheyĒ --
Sophie: No, Nate, Nate, Nate. No, no, no, no, no. You canít script this. No.
Nate: What? Why not?
Sophie: I -- well, if -- if I know what your approach is, then my reactions, theyíre not gonna be genuine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (moves close to him, almost kissing) It has to be a real date, and you, my friend, have to be very... (kisses him) very... charming (another kiss).
Nate: Ah. How do you get this Ė (tries to unfasten her dress)
Sophie (pulls back): Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh. (stands up) No. Iím sorry. I have to get my beauty sleep. (lets down hair) I have a very hot date with Oscar tomorrow. Tick, tock.
(Nate sits in chair drinking coffee, Eliot joins him and sits down)
Eliot: All right, this emcee guyís nameís Oscar San Guillermo. No priors. He picked Sophie up at 7:20, and they went to a, uh... (looks at phone) Swank Bar on Third. He had two mojitos. She had a 2008 Pouilly-Fuissť. What?
Nate: Did you get the name of the restaurant?
Eliot: I just said it was Swank.
Nate: Why do you have to editorialize?
Eliot: They left Swank at 8:15. They went to a place called La Dolce Vita. They got seated immediately, which is pretty outstanding, considering itís a two-week wait just to get in there. At 11:30, they left. They scheduled a brunch, and he brought her straight home. Thatís the end. Reservations today are at La Chateau Lyon.
Nate: Oh, geez. Itís La Ch‚tillon.
Eliot: Ch‚tillon. Three-star Michelin rating. Itís got a solid 29 Zagat. I mean, this San Gui, heís got -- heís got good taste, man.
Nate: San Gui?
(Sophie comes out on balcony and sits on the arm of Nateís chair)
Sophie: Yeah, short for San Guillermo. He prefers it to Oscar.
(Eliot gets up and reenters the hotel room)
Sophie: Ahh. What a day.
Nate: Yes. What a day.
Eliot: Sometimes itís fun to kick a man when heís down. We set?
Hardison: Oh, sure, right. Speaking of which, did you ever find that steak place?
Eliot: The betís off.
Hardison: What you mean the betís off?
Eliot: The second that we found out they were grifters, the betís off.
Hardison: That doesnít count. You didnít set --
Eliot: Page 189, rule number 7 in the bro handbook.
Hardison: What? There wasnít no rules. You didnít set any rules.
Eliot: The bet is off in a situation where --
Hardison: Iíll be damned if itís off.
Eliot: All right, then! Iíll make you some prime rib when this is over.
Hardison: Bone in, well-done?
Eliot: Well-done, bone in.
Hardison: All right. (types on laptop) Man, I love it when restaurants get all corporatey on me. Hacking into La Ch‚tillonís reservation and employee schedule list was a morceau of g‚teau. We are in. All right, man, work starts in an hour. You are the sous chef. I am the sommelier visiting from the South African winery.
Eliot: Do you want me to teach you about the wines again?
Hardison: Thatís just hurtful. Just -- just making assumptions and presumptions that I donít know what Iím -- Yes, I need you to teach me about the wines again, yes.
(waiter sets down platter on table between Sophie and San Gui)
Waiter: Your sommelier will be with you shortly to pour the malbec. Enjoy.
San Gui: Thank you.
Sophie: So lovely.
San Gui: Bon appťtit.
Sophie: Thank you.
(Nate sits down at a nearby table. A passing waiter sets an envelope in front of him. He opens it and pulls out an earbud, then puts it in his ear. Meredith is watching from across the room)
Nate: I assume this little gift is from you, Meredith.
Meredith: Thatís a two-way transmitter. I can hear everything you say and everything she says, so no cheating. Now impress me.
Waiter: Will you be having one of the brunch selections, sir?
Nate: I will. Flight of reds, please.
(Waiter motions for a tray of glasses, setting each one on the table in front of Nate, who looks concerned)
Waiter: Have you changed your mind?
Nate: No, no! No, no. I was just wondering, also, if I could maybe get a five-letter word from you for ďmakes oneís hair stand on end.Ē
Waiter: La Ch‚tillon does not have words on the menu, sir. Enjoy.
San Gui: You seem a little distracted.
Hardison (approaches table): Hello. Hello. (holds up bottle) This is the Argentine Malbec. It is characterized by its intense fruity flavor and deep plum color. While it does not have tan-tan-tan...
Eliot (near kitchen): T-tannic -- tannic structure.
Hardison: Tannic structure of a French Malbec...
Eliot: Whose texture is more plush, they have been known to show a similar aging potential. You didnít even say the whole thing, Hardison. (to passing waiter) Hey, come here. Stop. (tastes dish) Thatís -- no. No, go. Put -- sprinkle some sea salt. Just a little salt.
Parker: Guys, the first address -- itís a marina. I canít search every boat for Meredithís files. Iím heading to the second address.
Eliot: Parker, weíre counting on you. The whole date side of this con can go either way.
Hardison: Enjoy. (moves away, but is jostled and spills a bottle of wine on San Gui)
Sophie: Oh! Oh.
Hardison: Oh, Iím sorry. Iím so -- Iím so sorry. Oh, my gosh.
San Gui: No, itís all right.
(Hardison begins to clean the stain from San Guiís jacket)
Sophie: Oh, thatís a good idea. That works. That works. Iíve tried that.
San Gui: No, no, no. Thatís enough. Enough.
Hardison: Let me -- let me take this.
Sophie: May I Ė
Hardison: Let me --
San Gui: I said enough! Youíve done enough. Thank you.
San Gui: Uh, excuse me, duchess. I, uh... think Iíll be a while. (stands) Stay right there. (moves away)
Sophie: I -- I...
San Gui (walking past Eliot): Ugh! What an idiot.
(Eliot grabs San Gui and knocks him out. Back at Sophieís table, the waiter brings the check. Nate leans back and puts a credit card on the bill)
Nate: Allow me.
Waiter: Thank you, sir.
Sophie: Oh. Thank you. Iím so embarrassed. I, um -- I didnít... prepare for this situation.
Nate: Yeah, itís all right. I donít often get to play the white knight. (stands) Gus McAvoy, distributor. (shakes Sophieís hand)
Sophie: Oh. Scottish?
Nate: Eh, on my fatherís fatherís side.
Sophie: Oh. Please, join me.
Nate: Oh, thank you very much. (sits at her table)
Sophie: Lady Charlotte Prentice.
Nate: Lady Charlotte Prentice. Thatís lovely.
Nate: Excuse me?
Sophie: Five-letter word, makes your hair stand up.
Nate: Oh, right. (looks at crossword puzzle) Well, look at that. Itís the key to the whole thing. Listen, would you like to, um... get some dessert? Thereís this wonderful Italian-ice place down by the water. I hear it puts La Ch‚tillonís sorbet to shame.
Sophie: Sounds good.
(they stand and head for the door)
Meredith: Nice hook. Now letís see if you can land her.
(Eliot approaches a man playing a guitar)
Eliot: Hey, brother, hereís a $20, man. Can you play something romantic? Something to kind of mix it up a little?
(Sophie and Nate walk past the guitarist. Meredith sits in a car nearby, taking pictures)
Meredith: Heís one of yours. Very nice. Setting the mood.
(Parker enters through a back door)
Eliot: All right, Parker, you got that second address yet?
Parker: Yeah, Iím in. (looks around, opens binder to find it empty) Thereís not much here. No wall safe. Iíll check the computer and the hard-copy files. (sits down at computer)
(Sopie and Nate eat Italian ice as they walk toward a table)
Nate: Letís just sit right over here.
Meredith: Oh. That was a mistake. The ice plus the shade will give her a chill. Game over. Nice meeting you.
Nate: Oh, here, let me, uh... (Nate puts his jacket around her shoulders)
Meredith: Clever boy. Always thinking ahead, arenít you?
Parker: Eliot, thereís nothing here. Itís just a front. Thereís not even a computer to hook up to the monitor. (looks at wall) Hang on a second. Thereís a portrait. Itís Lacey. (takes picture of portrait) She signed it, ďthanks for everything. Heart, Julie.Ē But... facial-recognition app confirms itís her.
Hardison: Eliot, that is ouró
Hardison: --first solid lead. Look, if Lacey signed that photo, sheís touched it.
Eliot: Thatís my thinking, too. Parker, grab the photo. We might be able to telló
Eliot: --something from it. Weíre close to being done here.
Parker (takes portrait from the wall): Yeah, I got it. It still only says, ďthanks for everything. Heart, Julie.Ē
(girl runs by chasing a ball her father has thrown)
Nate (stops ball): Ah. Here you go. (hands girl the ball) Hey, itís best to keep the ball right in front of you, always.
Meredith: How did you arrange that?
Sophie: Did you ever play catch with your father?
Nate: Nah. No. No, we went to, uh, Fenway pretty much every year, went to a lot of games. He loved baseball.
Sophie: You had that, at least.
Nate: We sat there in the stands with our gloves, waiting for a foul ball. Then he was just -- wasnít Jimmy. You know, he wa, he was my dad. I mean, he didnít give me much, but he -- he gave me that.
Sophie: Well, it canít have been all bad if he passed on his passion, even if that passionís for a sport thatís not quite cricket.
Sophie: What? I know my cricket. Give me a batsman, a couple of balls, and... youíll see if I canít outstump him.
Nate (leaning forward): You really are beautiful.
(Sophie blushes and looks down. Nate stands and offers her his arm, they move off)
Meredith: Hmm. (takes earbud from ear, then to driver) Letís go.
Nate: Okay. (takes out earbud) Meredith is off comms. Parker?
Parker (in taxi): Iím here. Is Sophie ready?
Nate (puts on jacket): Eliot, Hardison, we need to analyze that portrait. Meet me at the car. Time to get a move on. (takes out other earbud)
Sophie: I thought thatís what you have been doing.
Nate: Listen. I picked you. I didnít pick the others. Hardison, Parker, Eliot -- I picked you. All right?
(they kiss before moving away. Nate opens the taxi door for Sophie and Parker drives away. Nate starts to put his team comm back in, but Meredith pulls up in her sedan, window down)
Meredith: I am impressed.
Meredith: Seems we have terms to discuss. A new partnership to celebrate.
Nate: Excellent. Uh... where should we meet? My carís just right over --
Meredith: Get in.
(Nate gets into the car with Meredith and they pull away. Elsewhere in the park, Eliot is dusting the print Parker stole while Hardison looks at a laptop)
Hardison: Okay. Looks like Meredithís town car is headed for the marina. I can track the GPS, but Nateís still off comms.
Eliot: I donít like it. This womanís left a lot of bodies in the road.
Sophie: Yeah, but Nateís not a mark. No, itís perfect. He gets close to Meredith, gets access to her files, while we all Ė
Parker: Get all ďCSIĒ on the picture.
Eliot: Yeah. Try that one.
(Parker takes a picture of the prints Eliot has revealed but there is no match)
Eliot: Try that one.
(Parker takes a picture of another print, and gets a match)
Parker: Itís Lacey.
Hardison: Okay, it matches a Christine Valada. (types on laptop) Now, look, it says Lacey/Christineís address is just a few minutes from here.
Eliot: Itís Sunday. I bet sheís home.
Sophie: Yeah. Letís pay Christine Valada a visit, shall we?
(they quickly gather their things and get into the taxi, Parker driving crazy as usual)
Hardison: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Parker, slow down!
Nate: So, come on, 75/25 -- that your best offer?
Meredith: Take it or leave it.
Nate: Yeah, well, you know, you put it like that, Iím all-in.
Meredith: This is it.
Nate: Nice boat.
Meredith: It was my late husbandís. (climbs on board)
Nate: Permission to come aboard. (follows Meredith)
Eliot: This is not what I expected.
Sophie: Me neither. Hello? Hello?
(Lacey is tending a garden in the back yard)
Sophie: Hi, there.
Eliot: Hi. Christine Valada?
Lacey: Yes, thatís me. What can I do for you?
Eliot: Also Lacey Beaumont Wellesley?
Lacey (brandishes gardening tool like a weapon): No. I didnít -- please! I didnít contact him, I swear. Oh, please. Please tell me you havenít hurt Walt.
Eliot: Weíre not here to hurt anybody. Weíre here to find you. Wellesley sent us.
(Lacey begins crying and collapses)
(Nate hands Meredith two glasses, then turns to open a bottle of champagne)
Nate: Donít you think we should get a photo to commemorate this momentous occasion?
Meredith: Plenty of time for that later.
Nate (opens champagne): Ho! (pours drinks) Now, I have a feeling that you know as much about your champagne as you do your whiskey.
Meredith: I find it useful to be conversant.
Nate: Ah, yes.
(San Gui walks out on deck)
Meredith: I suppose it would be remiss of me not to mention that I already have a partner.
Nate: San Gui. Yes, I hear you prefer that to Oscar.
San Gui: Yeah.
Sophie: Well, well. So, you told Meredith you were done. You wanted out.
Lacey: Once Iíd sent her $2 million, I -- I figured sheíd allow me to go my own way.
Eliot: You underestimated her greed.
Lacey: I underestimated her fear. My falling in love with a mark meant she could no longer trust me.
Sophie: Oh. She thought you were gonna tell your husband everything.
Lacey: If I so much as contacted Walt, heíd meet with some terrible accident. Just like her late husbands did. She was right. I would have told him the truth. I just hadnít gotten up the courage yet.
Sophie: Do you let them hate the real you or love the fake you?
Eliot: Youíre saying you didnít know anything about her killing these guys going in.
Lacey: No. I didnít put it all together until they threatened me with Walt. Iíd never have joined her crew if Iíd known.
(Nate fingers the earbuds in his pocket, which Meredith notices)
Meredith: Hand them over.
Nate: What... (hands Meredith her earbud) There you go.
(Meredith keeps her hand out expectantly)
(San Gui points a gun at Nate)
Nate: Oh. (hands Meredith team comm) There. Here we are.
(Meredith places the comms in a glass of champagne)
Hardison (looking at laptop): Guys, we have a mayday situation. Nateís comm just went online and off again. His GPS is dead, too.
Meredith: You FBI?
Nate: No. No, no. Iím not a -- Iím not a fed. Iím a thief. (sits down) Thought if I could get close enough to your files, I could maybe, you know, use your marks or one or two of your girls to start my own scheme.
Eliot: His last-known coordinates were the marina.
Hardison: Yeah, and I still never solved the waterproofing problem. Look, the comms still go out when theyíre submerged in water.
(Parker comes to a squealing stop at the Marina, Eliot and Parker get out)
Eliot: Parker, youíre with me.
(they run toward the docks. Hardison and Sophie look at the laptop he places on the hood of the taxi)
Meredith: As good as you are, youíre not nearly as good as you think you are. Itís obvious you donít have what it takes to do what I do.
Nate: Wha-what is it, exactly, you think Iím lacking?
Meredith: Ruthlessness. Youíre far too vulnerable and open. Iíve watched you with the duchess. Youíre half in love with her already, falling prey to the very techniques you employ. (turns to pick up her camera and a jacket)
Nate: Hey, you mean falling in love.
Meredith: Thereís no such thing as love. (exits boats and walks away)
San Gui: Sorry, buddy.
(Meredith continues to walk down the docks, pausing when she hears a gunshot ring out. She looks back, then hears a body hit the water. She texts an all clear message to San Gui)
Meredith: Olly olly oxen free.
(Sophie walks out from behind an outbuilding)
Meredith: Oh, youíre good.
Sophie: So Iíve been told.
Meredith: I never suspected you at all, not for a moment.
Sophie: Of course not. As good as you are, youíre not nearly as good as you think you are.
Meredith: I destroyed his ear bud before I said that. How did you...
(Meredith turns to see Nate walking up from behind)
Meredith: I heard you go over. If not you, then wh--
(San Gui reaches for Nate)
(Nate head butts San Gui and the gun goes off as he falls to the deck. Nate walks off the boat as Eliot lands on the deck. San Gui raises the gun at Eliot, who knocks it out of his hand and pushes him onto the dock. San Gui turns, his hands up, ready to fight)
San Gui: Come on.
Eliot: Fisticuffs? Really? All right. (punches San Gui in the face several times) Letís go.
(San Gui stumbles back and tries to punch, but Eliot blocks. San Gui punches Eliot in the side but misses a punch to his face. Eliot hits him in the chest, bringing him to his knees. When San Gui comes at him again, Eliot flips him into the water making a loud splash)
Meredith: What do you want, 50/50? 60/40?
Nate: I wasnít lying when I said I was after your records.
Meredith: Iíll never give them up.
Nate: Ah. But you already have. (takes out his phone and holds it up)
(Parker leans over the roof of the boat and grabs Meredithís camera, taking out the SD card)
Meredith: As good as you are, youíre not nearly as good as you think you are.
(Parker joins Hardison at the taxi and hands him the SD card. He plugs it into the laptop and retrieves information from it)
Hardison: Okay, good. Itís there. Itís all there. All the data -- Iím e-mailing it now to Nate.
Sophie: Right now, all your details are being sent to every rich and powerful mark you have on file. Oh, and your fingerprints -- already been forwarded to the authorities, just in case they want to look into the deaths of all those late husbands.
Nate: If I were you, Iíd start running.
(Meredith walks away quickly)
Nate (offers Sophie his arm): Shall we?
(Whiman and Lacey hug and kiss)
Lacey: Thank you.
Whitman: Mmm! Letís get out of here. (Whitman puts his hand on Nateís shoulder on the way out the door)
Sophie: True love does exist.
Eliot (raises bottle for a toast): May it always prevail.
Hardison: Hear, hear.
(they all touch glasses and drink. A delivery man walks in carrying boxes)
Delivery Man: Looking for a Miss Devereaux.
Sophie: Mm. Thatís me. (gets up and walks over to him)
Delivery Man: And a Parker.
Sophie (taking box): Ooh. These ones?
Delivery Man: Yeah. Thatís for you. (hands box to Parker) There you are.
Sophie (hugs Nate): I take it all back. (kisses him on cheek) Every word. You are romantic.
Parker (opening box to reveal plant): Ooh.
Sophie (opens box to reveal flowers): Oh. Theyíre beautiful.
(Eliot watches the women)
Parker (reading card): It eats flies. Huh. A plant that does something. Thatís nice. Thanks.
(Nate and Hardison look at each other, then they both look at Eliot, who winks)
Parker: Should I feed it mice, like a snake?
Hardison: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sophie: Theyíre my favorite.
Parker: Itís got teeth.
(Sophie holds flowers for Nate to smell as Eliot gets up and walks away)
Hardison: Uh, they smell nice?
Parker: It doesnít really smell.
Nate (answers phone): I donít recognize this number, which means you shouldnít be talking to me.
Latimer: A call to arms, Mr. Ford.
Latimer: In my dealings, Iíve discovered an innocent whoís been wronged. An engineerís invention was stolen--
Latimer: --by a corporation. If you and your team acquire the patent, you can prove the company owes him millions.
Nate: You make a few investments ahead of time, bet against our opponents.
Latimer: A finderís fee. You punish. I profit.
Nate: Well, it sounds tempting, Latimer, Iíll give you that.
Nate: Something I want, no downside. Problem is, Iíve made that offer a hundred times to a hundred marks. I know a con when I spin one.
Nate: No, thanks.
Latimer: We could have been friends, Mr. Ford.
Nate: I donít need any friends, Latimer. (hangs up phone and puts it down)
Latimer (makes another call): He wouldnít take the job. You do that, itís war. (puts phone down) Well, war it is, then.