[Kanack Worldwide Enterprises, Hallway]
(Oren gets off an elevator and heads toward a conference room)
Kanack (refers to monitor): So, as you can see by my projections here, the Kanack hybrid engine would reduce the consumption of jet fuel by up to 66%, thus allowing the airlines to reduce their fares or not.
Woman: Oren. Oren, hey, I heard you got let go.
Oren: Where is he?
Kanack: The key is, once the aircraft reaches cruising altitude, the Kanack hybrid jet engine switches to fully hybrid mode.
(Oren pushes his way through the people moving in the hallway)
Oren: James Kanack... where is he?
Woman: Conference room.
(Kanack continues to talk as Oren pounds on the window)
Kanack: Thatís nearly 80% of every single flight.
Oren: Thief! Thatís my work! Donít listen to him! Heís a liar and a thief! Thatís my work! Thatís my engine! Hey!
Kanack: We... we must apologize. That... that was a former assistant we recently had to let go.
(Oren is grabbed by two security guards and pulled away from the window)
Oren: Donít listen to him! Heís a thief! Liar!
Kanack: His mental instability was compromising Mr. Kanackís research.
Oren: Thatís my work! Thatís my work!
Kanack: Itís sad, really. So, do you have any more questions for me, or, uh... can we get down to business?
Executive (stands): I think weíve heard enough. We would like to purchase the hybrid jet engines
Kanack: Kanack hybrid jet engines.
Executive: The Kanack hybrid jet engines at the price we discussed.
Kanack: Terrific. My head of legal, Mr. Bryden, here will draw up the paperwork. We can have a contract ready to be signed in...
Bryden: Two weeks.
Kanack: Two weeks. Gentlemen, it was a pleasure making history with you.
Executive: Pleasure. Thank you.
Kanack: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Oren: James Kanack offered to fund my research. If it worked, weíd share the credit.
Sophie: Well, thatís always a big risk.
Oren: Without him, I just have ideas on paper. Money builds prototypes.
Nate: So, now heís trying to cut you out.
Oren: He published our results under his name. And to make sure I couldnít fight him, he ruined my reputation.
Sophie: The suicide attempt.
Oren: I didnít. I didnít try to take my own life. After I got fired, my psychiatrist prescribed
antidepressants, but I was on migraine medication at the time.
Nate: Itís not a good mix. That causes serotonin...
Oren: Serotonin syndrome... confusion, hallucinations. I ended up at the hospital. But it was an accident. Kanack altered medical files. Mr. Ford, no one will hire me now. I just want to work again. And Kanackís lawyer convinced the judge that all my designs were trade secrets.
Nate: So making them inadmissible as evidence in court.
Oren: Yes, but I embedded digital watermarks on all my computer files. If they had reached the bench, the judge would have seen that theyíre mine.
Nate (stands): Okay. Well, so weíll get your files back, And weíll destroy the guy.
Oren: That... that isnít...
(Nate walks away)
Oren: Okay. Thank you.
Eliot: Whereís, uh... And...
Nate: Sent them on ahead. This jobs pretty straightforward.
Sophie: James Kanack, owner of Kanack Worldwide, inventor of the Kanack irrigation process, the Kanack self-drying washing machine, the Kanack lo-flo toilet.
Eliot: What kind of guy names a toilet after himself?
Sophie: Someone who cares more about fame than respect, thatís for sure.
Nate: Okay, James Kanack studied engineering in college but quit when his father, who was a real genius, died and left him, younger James, $20 million, at which point, James decided to hire some young geniuses and steal their work and lawyer them into the ground.
Eliot: Over a toilet.
Sophie: Well, heís setting his sights a bit higher now. Braddock Aeronautics is top-shelf.
Eliot: Military aircraft contractors. They used to stamp their logo on the engine cowls of our chopper, and weíd have to file them off before we... went fishing. For fish.
Sophie: Okay. So, thereís been no new deposits from Braddock into his account.
Nate: Okay, Braddock Aeronautics is gonna be back in three days, at which point, theyíre gonna pay Kanack. Luckily for us, weíre gonna have the research back in two hours. Right, Hardison?
Hardison: Less, Iíd actually like to enjoy the rest of my Sunday.
Parker: He wants to get back to his online ork battle.
Hardison: Is that so wrong?
(Parker adjusts straps on a climbing harness)
Hardison: What you doing?
Parker: The watermarked files are in the server room. The server room is here. Weíre taking the vents.
Hardison: Mnh-mnh. Itís too tight and too dusty. Have you ever seen a dust mite? Dermatophagoides farinae... eight legs, fur, and mandibles. Mandibles, woman. I donít think so. Thatís why I brought this. (pulls out a controller) Say hello to Marvin. Okay? Now this allows me to ping any electronics with an I/O switch and flip its status within a 200-yard radius. On is off, red is green, lock is unlocked.
Parker: Unlocked. I get it. But can it change the channel?
Hardison: Can Marvin change the channel? And can it? I do not know that.
Parker: Iím going in through the vents. Bet I get there first.
Hardison: No, I donít think thatís a good idea.
Parker: Winner chooses our next date. Ready, set, go!
Hardison: Wait! I-I wasnít ready!
[Exterior, Kanack Worldwise Enterprises]
(Hardison looks in the window and uses his controller to scramble the monitors at the security station before opening the door for himself)
[Kanack Worldwise Enterprises]
(Hardison makes his way through the hallways, using his controller to open doors along his route. He gets to the door of the server room and realizes it is locked with a standard key.
Hardison: Oh, geez. Real key?
(Parker opens the door from inside the room)
Parker: I win! I want to go bungee-jumping.
Hardison: Already did that. (hooks his laptop to the computer system)
Parker: Not off a hot-air balloon.
Hardison: I seriously need to win one of these bets.
Parker (waving at camera): Earth to Nate.
(Nate watches Parker on the monitors)
Parker: You can see me, right?
Hardison: Nate, security cams are a go.
Nate: Yes, Parker, I can see you. (sees guards on the monitors) You got company coming.
Parker: We have to go now.
Hardison: Almost done.
Parker (locks the door): Come on. (begins to climb into the ceiling)
Hardison: Iím trying. Some of these files are huge. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
(guard opens the door to the room and looks around but no one is there)
[Interior Air Vents]
(Hardison climbs through the vents, Parker overcomes him, laying on top of him)
Parker: See? Vents are better.
Hardison: Itís not that bad.
Parker: Youíre totally surrounded by, like, a million of those dust-mite things. And you canít even feel them, can you?
Hardison: Now I can.
Hardison: All over. Okay!
(they awkwardly begin to move down the vent shaft)
Parker: Oh, Iím sorry.
Hardison: Okay, okay. Itís... wait, it... Just let me get... wait.
Parker: Oh. Ow! Ow!
Hardison: Hold it. You okay? Come on, babe.
Nate: Okay. What are we looking at here?
Hardison (using hand sanitizer): Youíre looking at files that have been scrubbed clean, something I will never be again.
Sophie: Is that your second bottle?
Hardison: What if it is? Look, Kanack hunted out every bit of code that the client put in there. No digital watermarks. We got nothing.
Nate: Okay, what about those other files... the big ones there?
Hardison: Thought they were something, too, but it turns out theyíre just audio recordings of static... hundreds of hours of it.
Nate: Hmm. Play them.
Sophie: Just sounds like one of your ďmixes.Ē
Parker: I like it. Play the next one.
Eliot (enters room): Hardison, I said sea salt. This is iodized salt. Who got the military satellite intercept? Youíre not supposed to...
(Sophie gives Eliot a hard look)
Eliot: Itís a very distinctive static.
Hardison: So, Kanackís listening to the military satellites?
Nate: No, no, he got those signals by accident. Can you show me the server room?
(Hardison changes the display on the monitors)
Nate: He was listening for something else. I donít know what...
(the monitors show a close up on an image of space)
Nate: For someone else.
Parker: Shut the front door.
Sophie: He puts his name on every invention. He wants fame more than anything else. Whatís gonna make him the most famous scientist in the world?
Hardison: Proof that weíre not alone.
Nate: Heís listening to stars for proof of extraterrestrial life.
Parker: Cool. (pokes at Eliot)
Eliot: Oh, Parker.
Eliot: Iíll snap that off your han...
Sophie: Whatís our way in?
Nate: Okay, well, since we canít prove that Kanack stole the research, we have to appeal to his hunger for fame to get Metzís money. Itís the only way.
Sophie: Itís not about the money.
Hardison: You want to send him a message from space.
Parker: Well, how does that get us money?
Nate: By convincing him that heís only listened to half a message. Letís go steal a close encounter.
(the van pulls up and Eliot gets out, moving around to the back and opening the doors. Hardison joins him)
Hardison: You know, Fermiís Paradox says that itís improbable for other life-forms to exist.
Eliot: Yeah? Well, Drakeís equation shows that orbiting around the hundred billion stars in our galaxy, thereís up to 10,000 planets with technological civilization. You never know when you might have to fight an alien.
Eliot: Why here? What the hellís out here?
Hardison: Well, the higher we are, the stronger the sky clarity. The atmospheric dilution and wind vector fluctuations...
Eliot (struggles to put on a backpack): Oh. Shut up, Hardison. I donít... What did you put in here, man? Itís like 200 pounds.
Hardison: Hey, the equipment needs to be strong enough to bounce the signal off of something that makes it seem like it came from deep space.
Eliot: Yeah, a satellite.
Hardison: Yeah. Not just any satellite. The very first satellite. Iím using the same thing they did for project Diana in 1946. Iím using the moon. Let me back it up. The moon. In the daylight.
Eliot: Itís daylight.
Hardison: Really? Nothing? I get nothing? Seriously? Nothing? You know, just... just start walking. Iíll tell you where to go. Start walking, go. Go!
Eliot: The sunís up.
(Eliot moves away from the van carrying a transmitter/receiver pointed at the sky)
Nate: Okay, Hardison, you made sureó
Nate: --that the message seems realistic, right?
Hardison: You dare doubt me? ElliotÖ
Hardison: Ögo left.
Eliot: Why canít you just set it from here?
Hardison: The signal needs to bounce off the preciseó
Hardison: --angle of the moon so that Kanack is the only person who receives the message, okay? Every foot counts. Now go left... more.
Eliot: Who listens to aliens anyway?
Hardison: Uh, SETI. They listen, they blog, they... Wait, wait. Freeze, freeze!
Hardison: Freeze, freeze, freeze.
(Hardison works the computer and the monitor shows that a message has been sent)
Eliot: We done?
Hardison: Yeah, uh, almost. Almost. Iím gonna need you to skip five more steps left.
(Eliot moves to the left)
(Nate watches the monitors as Sophie enters the room)
Hardison: Cool, cool. Uh... Two steps forward.
(Sophie sits down beside Nate)
(Eliot moves forward)
Hardison: Right, right.
Hardison: Two steps back.
(Eliot moves back)
Hardison: Right, right.
Hardison: Now hop.
(Eliot begins to move, then stops and looks up angrily)
Hardison (watching Eliotís movements on the monitor): Whereís you... where you going? Oh, no.
(the van begins to rock)
Hardison: Hey, man! Lucilleís a classic!
Nate: His server should get the signal any second now.
Sophie: Why would anyone dedicate so much time listening to nothing?
Nate: For the hope of what they might hear.
Sophie: The irony of you taking on someone who listens.
Nate: Iím sorry, what?
(On the monitors, Kanack runs from the room)
Nate: Yep! He got it.
Kanack: A signal!
Bryden: What... what are you doing?
Kanack: Shh! Listen.
Kanack: Shh! Oh, my God.
Bryden: What? What is it?
Kanack: This is definitely it.
Bryden: Definitely what?
Kanack: Shh! Shh! Kip, just please! Shh! (pulls out a print out and circles a line) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is a message from deep space.
Bryden: Okay. How do you know that?
Kanack: Ever since I found out about the WOW! Signal. From back in 1977, Iíve had my radio telescopes aimed at Chi Sagittarii star group.
Kanack: The zeroes and the ones here represent lower intensities. The higher numbers represent exponentially higher intensities. This irregular frequency is not natural to anything emitted on earth. (typing on computer)
Bryden: W-w-what are you doing now?
Kanack: Itís called ďFirst ContactĒ for a reason, Kip. ĎCause the guy who makes second contact is nobody. Damn it. Somebody close to my antennaís got the signal, too. Where is this guy? Bingo! Okay, Kip... dismiss the employees. I want security only here while I verify this. And lock this guy down! Go! Do it! Okay, okay!
(Parker puts a tracking device on an SUV)
Sophie: Parker, theyíre coming out.
Parker: Got it.
(Bryden and a thug get into the SUV)
Bryden: Take him quietly and grab all his computer equipment.
(van pulls away)
Parker: Nate, we have liftoff. Get it? Ďcause of the...
Nate: Yes. Yes, Parker, I get it. Okay, Elliot, Hardison, Kanack is sending muscle to the location. Make sure you beat him there.
Eliot: Yeah, weíre on it.
Eliot: Not gonna win any races in Lucille.
Hardison: Oh, we will with this. Iím programming Marvin for line-of-sight preemption. Itís what ambulances use to manipulate traffic lights in their favor. (uses controller to change the traffic signals, then turns on the radio)
Eliot: What the hell is that?
Hardison: Oh, thatís chase music, baby. Unh. Mixed it myself. Yeah. (singing) Two good old boys/Behind the wheel/Chasing down bad guys in Lucille/Two good old boys. Feel it.
Both (singing): Behind the wheel/Chasing down bad guys in Lucille/Two good old boys/Behind the wheel/Chasing down bad guys in Lucille. Hey! Two good old boys/Behind the wheel/Chasing down bad guys in Lucille
(Bryden and his men carry computer equipment out of a trailer, then drag Eliot out, a hood over his face as Hardison watches from a distance)
Hardison: Nate, they got him.
Nate: Okay, follow them back and get Parker.
(Bryden and his men bring Eliot and his equipment into the room where Kanack is waiting)
Kanack (to men): Thanks. (to Eliot) I apologize for the hood. It was just a safety precaution, since you and I are the only two who received the message.
Eliot: Hey, man, theyíre coming for us, all right? They want to breed with us. They want to have superbabies. Lenny was right.
(Kanack pulls off the hood and Eliot looks around crazily)
(Nate and Sophie are watching Eliot talk to Kanack on the monitors)
Nate: Okay. Kanack is biting. Now letís get him to make the most expensive long-distance call in history.
Sophie: Elliot, I am just loving the choices youíre making with this character. I like the bit with, but... We have to get Kanack to believe, that the message Hardison sentís authentic.
Sophie: What? What? Listen, Iím just getting some pract... If Iím gonna run a theater and direct, Iíve got to focus on character development.
Eliot: Oh, I was passed out in my sleeping bagó
Elliot: --about 80 Miles outside of Eli, Nevada, and me and my buddy Lenny I was telling you about, we started hearing twisted metal and seeing green auras and smelling burning rubber...
Kanack: Look, look, okay, all I care about is the signal that we received. Do you think that you can decipher it, mister...?
Eliot: Riker. Mr. Ri... Well, Willie Rikerís my full name, man. Yeah, if you got the equipment... One time in flagstaff, man, I was just leaning back...
Kanack: Hey, hey, hey! Okay, letís focus here, Willie, okay? (they enter the listening station) The two of us are after the same thing, so letís pool our resources and work together as a team. Iíll let you use all of my state-of-the-art equipment here, and once you collect enough data to decipher the signal, the two of us can make the announcement to the world together.
Eliot: Thereís enough sensitivity on that receiver to detect an arecibo-sized transmitter from 1,000 light-years away.
Kanack: Do we have a deal or not?
Eliot: Oh, yeah. Can I get an orange soda?
Kanack: Yeah, yeah, you can get an orange soda.
Eliot: Uh-huh. All right.
Kanack (to guard): Donít let him leave.
Nate: Okay, Parker, Hardison, youíre up.
Parker: Weíre on our way.
[Kanack Worldwide Enterprises]
(Parker and Hardison enter the lobby)
(Parker and Hardison show their badges to the security guard before passing through metal detectors)
Parker: Worldís deepest caves are in Potosi, Mexico.
Hardison: Youíre really not listening to me about this whole jumping thing, are you.
Parker: Yes, I am.
(Parker and Hardison show badges to a guard at another security desk as they pass it)
Parker: Youíre unhappy with the jumps weíve been doing.
Hardison: Thank you.
Parker: Iím going higher so they can be better.
(Kanack and Bryden approach)
Parker: James ďKa-nack.Ē
Kanack: Itís ďKanack.Ē
(Parker and Hardison show their badges)
Hardison: Whatís up? This is Special Agent Fix. Iím Special Agent Kelsey.
Kanack: Agents. Whatís this about?
Parker: Weíve been receiving semi-congruent signals from two federal satellites based out of Western Wyoming.
Hardison: Our records show that you own three radio telescopes with multi-function phased-array radars.
Parker: We just want to make sure you havenít been receiving any signals that might be a breach of national security.
Bryden: Mm-hmm. And what government agency did you say you were from, exactly?
Hardison: We didnít.
Kanack: Yeah. This is my head of legal... Mr. Bryden. Mr. Bryden, these two need a warrant if they want to look at my data, donít they?
Bryden: They do, sir.
Kanack: Yeah, so why donít you get the hell off my property right now before I have security escort you off?
Hardison: Very well. I guess weíll see you in a couple days with a warrant. Toodles.
Bryden: Why pick a fight with the government? Iím sure they know about Willie Riker.
Kanack: Alfred Russell Wallace. Alfred Wallace created the theory of evolution years before Charles Darwin, but itís Darwinís theory of evolution. Nicola Tesla invented alternating current, but all the power companies are named after Thomas Edison. So why are Darwin and Edison famous? And Tesla and Wallace footnotes? Because history is written by the winners. You get your name on it first, you get it out there the most, then 20 years later, you invented it. This is mankindís first contact with an alien civilization. James Kanack is the name that everyoneís gonna remember. Willie Riker wonít even rate the footnote.
Nate: Okay, Elliot, time for the next step. Use the clean file that Hardison sent.
Kanack: Hey, anything new?
Eliot: Oh, yeah. I cleaned up all the audio with a band-pass filter, then I scrubbed all the interference and as you can see, message pretty clean now. But youíre gonna have to get somebody else in here to decipher it.
Kanack: What the hell are you talking about? I thought you could do this?
Eliot: No. Iím a signals guy. You need a code breaker.
Kanack: Are you kidding me? Well, do you know anyone?
Eliot: Oh, yeah. I got the girl for you. Sheís a Professor I met on the web. Sheís a cryptanalysist up at Archfield University. Her nameís Dr. Pearl OíNeal. She can come in. You want me to get her in here?
Kanack: Yeah, I want you to get her in. Get her in here! Knucklehead.
Eliot: Donít have to be so damn rude about it.
(Bryden and Kanack look over a file)
Bryden: Doctorís credentials check out. A PHD from Cambridge, second from Brown University. But I think we need a little bit more time just to...
Sophie (listening to earbud): Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
Sophie: Itís a basic attempt at communication, but whatís interesting are the peaks of the whistles. Thereís a pattern. Three peaks, four peaks, and so on. Itís every other number of the first 20 digits of pi.
Kanack: What does that mean?
Sophie: Itís a mathematical sequence. Whoever sent you this message wants you to send the missing numbers back. If I may be so... Who sent it to you?
Kanack: Itís a colleague of mine from Paris. Itís nothing, really. Just a little game that we scientists play, try to stump each other. Thank you very much for your time, Professor. Oh. (gives her a check) Yeah, and here you go.
Sophie: Oh. No, I mustnít. No, I shouldnít.
Kanack: Well, consider it a consulting fee, and, uh... as my consultant, Iím sure you understand the need for absolute discretion, yes?
Sophie (takes check): Oh, yes. Thank you. Thank you.
Kanack: You were right. Your Professor cracked the code. Okay, send the following numbers back to them.
Eliot: Send? Itís a message, thereís no sending. You got to have something you can send it with.
Kanack: What are you talking about?! What about my parabolic satellite antenna?
Eliot: No, itís not gonna work.
Kanack: Why not?
Eliot: The higher you go, the stronger the sky clarity. You got atmospheric dilution. Youíve got windó
Eliot: --vector fluctuations...
Hardison: I taught him that.
Kanack: Okay. Just tell me... what do I need? Just tell me what...
Eliot: You need something beyond, man. You needó
Eliot: --something that maintains orbital position. You need a geostationary satellite. You got one of those? I donít have one.
Kanack: Get one of those... geostationary satellite.
Bryden: Mr. Kanack, sir, if I may, launching even a small satellite into orbit is exorbitantly expensive. We canít...
Kanack: Iím not asking you, Kip.
Eliot: Itís not gonna work.
Kanack: Iím telling you. Get me a satellite dealer in an hour or youíre fired. Do it!
Eliot: Youíre gonna get fired, man.
Bryden: Excuse me. (typing on keyboard)
Kanack: And shut up!
Nate: Okay. Thereís only one place in Portland area that has what Kanack needs... Annandale Communications. What do we know about their broker?
Hardison (pulls up info): Roger Bosley is the V.P. Of sales and accounts in their satellite department. Heís got a wife and two kids. He gives the occasional lecture at Portland state. Heís allergic to shellfish.
Nate: Okay, thatís enough.
Hardison: Hey. Itís Kanack for Bosley.
Parker (answering phone): Roger Bosleyís office.
Kanack: This is James Kanack. Iíd like to meet with Mr. Bosley as soon as possible.
Parker: Iím so sorry. Mr. Bosleyís out of the office for the next... Week.
Kanack: Do you know when heíll be back?
Parker: Mm, Iím so sorry Mr. Karmak, but that is personal business.
Kanack: Itís Kanack, and I might stress the urgency of my meeting with him. His last two mortgageó
Kanack: --payments have defaulted. Iím just trying to help him save his house.
Parker: My apologies, butó
Parker: --you cannot contact Mr. Bosley tonight. Will tomorrow morning do?
(Parker and Hardison fist bump)
Parker: Will it?
Nate (to woman): Hey, thanks a lot. You know, this place is like a maze... east tower, west tower. Somebody ought to mark these buildings differently. You know, itís just so... I get lost, and itís crazy.
(Bryden and Kanack approach, Kanack looking at a picture of Nate on his phone)
Nate: Oh, and... and tell that boss of yours that I donít launch private GPS sputniks for less than 150. Thatís firm!
Kanack: Excuse me. Mr. Roger Bosley.
Nate (into phone): Yeah, um... no, of course theyíre gonna go for it. They donít come back in two hours, Iíll eat the commission myself.
Kanack: Excuse me. You are Mr. Roger Bosley?
Nate: Yeah, thatís me. Yeah. Bev told you I was here, right?
Kanack: No. Listen, itís very important that we talk to you right now.
Nate (to man): Hey, good job earlier.
Nate (to Kanack): Iím sure it is. You know, this is what happens when you hire family. You know what Iím talking about? All right. How can I help you gentlemen?
Kanack: Iím James Kanack. This is my lawyer Kip Bryden, and we are very interested in purchasing and launching into orbit one of your satellites. As soon as possible.
Nate: As soon as possible. Can you narrow that down a bit?
Kanack: Well, how about yesterday?
Nate: Yesterday. Well... Mister, uh... mister... hold on a second. (into phone) Not now. (to Kanack) Mr. Kojack...
Nate: They didnít hire me at Annandale Communications because, you know, I gave free bagels at my open houses. You know what I mean? No, they brought me here because I was South Beach realtor of the year eight years straight.
Kanack: I donít know what that means.
Nate: Geostationary orbit in South Beach. Itís all real estate.
Kanack: What? I have money.
Nate: Well, Iím very happy for you, but Iím not in the business of tossing up some microwave oven up into space so you can name it after your girlfriend. Okay, now, owning one of our satellites is a $32 million investment. You got your equipment, you got your licensing, you got your launch, you know, a spot on the orbital ring. A deal like that is two years, minimum. There is no ďas soon as possible.Ē It doesnít work that way. Sorry I couldnít help you. (starts to walk away)
Kanack: Come on. Thereís got to be something we can do. Iíll pay anything.
Nate (comes back): It, um... Anything? It would have to be under the table.
Kanack: Yeah. Of course.
Nate: Okay. My boss has a satellite. Itís his own private satellite, okay? He cannot find out.
Kanack: No, not at all. I understand.
Nate: Now, what I could probably muster up is, uh, some piggyback time on the cockatoo... Say 500 hours.
Kanack: And whatís the price?
Nate: Shh. $1 million into my Antigua offshore account, okay? Iíll give you the routing information. I happen to have it written down right here. Keep it just... (walks away)
Bryden: Excuse me.
Kanack: Make the transfer, Kip. Weíre doing this.
Kanack: All right. Got our satellite. These are the instructions on how to operate it. Start sending the following sequence of numbers... Every other number in pie, okay?
Eliot: Yeah, yeah.
Kanack: You listening? You get it?
Kanack: All right. Just send it over and over and over and over again. Good. All right. Here we go.
Nate: Okay, didnít get your watermarked files back, (hands Oren a check) but Iím sure you will see that you have been well-compensated by your former employer. Thatís a lot of money.
Oren: Yeah. (pushes check back at Nate) I-Iím sorry.
Nate: What? Okay. Itís not about the money. Never was about the money. No. You want your reputation back.
Oren: Appreciate the help. Thanks for trying.
Hardison: He knows thereís no return policy, right? I mean, heís pretty much supposed to just keep the big pile of money.
Parker: Here. Iíll take the check and plant it in his wallet.
Hardison: Whoa, hey. Easy, shorty. Iíll just transfer it directly into his account.
Nate: Stop. (looks at Sophie) You knew?
Sophie: I listened.
Nate: Okay. We need to fix this. We need to give our client back his reputation.
Parker: How do we do that?
Nate: By making Kanack insane.
Hardison: And heís back.
Sophie: The Arkham Ascent?
Nate: Hardison, send him another signal. He thinks he made first contact? Weíre gonna send him a message he never forgets.
Kanack (entering): What is it?
Eliot (hands him a readout): We got another one, man. They called back. Is this place safe? ĎCause my buddy Lenny I was telling you about was in one of the same...
Kanack: Shut up about Lenny, okay?! I need this clarified right now.
Eliot (stands): Listen, big man... Lenny was taken! All right? Youíre not careful, the same thing is gonna happen to you.
Kanack: What are you talking about?
Eliot: You think theyíre happy just passing notes back and forth like little girls? Yeah, you found them. That means they found you.
Bryden (entering): Federal agents are back.
Kanack: Stall them. And you... get back to work.
Eliot: All right, but... (sits at keyboard, muttering) Put your hands on me, Iíll break your frigging clavicle.
Sophie: So, go... the Arkham Ascent.
Nate: The Arkham Ascent is really just the haunted house without the chains.
Sophie: Yeah. (answers phone) Hello, Mr. Kanack. Yes. Yes, of course. Iíll be there right away. (hangs up) Ah. Somebody got our message.
Nate: All right, well, now itís time to tighten the buckles on the straightjacket.
Hardison (to guard as he puts on sunglasses): Know the difference between us and them? We make this look good.
Parker: Mm-hmm. Incoming.
(Kanack enters lobby)
Kanack: Hey! I thought I told you guys... No warrant, no entry. Wh...
(Hardison hands Kanack a warrant)
Kanack: Oh, you have a warrant now?
Sophie (entering): Mr. Kanack! Oh, sorry. Is it a bad time? Because...
Kanack: No, no, no. Itís not a bad time at all, Professor OíNeal. Itís fine. (to Hardison) Your search... make it fast.
Parker: Thank you for your cooperation.
Kanack: Yeah. Right this way, Professor OíNeal.
(Hardison shows Parker the wording of the warrant ĎCANDLELIGHT PICNIC UNDER THE STARS)
Parker: Ooh. Fire. I do like fire.
Hardison: You see. You listen, yet you donít hear.
(Kanack and Sophie enter the room. Eliot gives Sophie the headphones)
Kanack: Here it is. Okay. Work together, work fast, and Iíll make it worth your while. Yeah?
(Sophie puts on headphones. Kanack and Bryden exit the room)
Bryden: Look, Braddock Aeronautics is close enough to taste. Weíre bringing federal agents and nutcases into our house... Youíre gonna crash the deal.
Kanack: Will you shut up about the stupid deal, already? Okay, these two nutcases are about to hand me the biggest discovery in human history, and you canít even see it.
(Eliot hands Sophie a printout. She looks at it and at a display, making notes)
Sophie: Thank you.
Kanack: Einstein, Darwin... theyíre gonna be the footnotes. Theyíre gonna name cities after me.
(Sophie taps on the glass to get Kanackís attention)
Kanack: Yeah. Just let me worry about the deal, okay?
Kanack: Donít worry about it.
Kanack (entering): What, what, what, what?
Sophie: Well... We used the same pi sequence to decode the message, but this time... look.
Sophie: Each number... Represents a different character in the Mayan alphabet. Oh.
Eliot: She gets it, man. She really gets it.
Sophie: Oh, I do. I do. Well, okay.
Kanack: But what does it mean? Get what?
Sophie: Well, well, roughly, because itís not an exact science, but... all right. ďHe who comprehends these words is worthy of our presence.Ē Oh! I just... if I just had a bit more time.
Kanack: No, no, no, no, no, no. Youíve... Done plenty. Great. Thank you so much. Iím gonna double your last payment.
Kanack: Great. Thank you.
(Kanack hands Sophie off to guards who escort her from the room)
Eliot: Iím the one that put the numbers up.
Kanack: Hey, burn that on a CD. Burn it on a CD... quick! (exits)
Kanack: Get me New World Science magazine, Journal of Astronomy, all the major publications. Tell them I have a huge announcement to make here tomorrow morning.
Bryden: Thatís when Braddock Aeronautics is coming.
Kanack: Yeah, well, they can wait, okay? Iím this close to making history. Oh, and call Riley. The Professor doesnít leave. I want everybody on ice until I make the announcement.
[Exterior, Kanack Worldwide Enterprises]
Guard (into phone): Iíve got the Professor.
(Guard grabs Sophie as she exits the building)
(Nate punches guard and knocks him down)
Sophie: Wouldnít do that if I were you.
Nate: Elliot, you got trouble headed your way.
Eliot (face hitting window): You think?
(Eliot fights off one guard and another tackles him)
[Exterior, Kanack Worldwide Enterprises]
Nate: Now, listen, the only way this con works is if thereís no sign of struggle.
(Eliot hits a set of shelves, barely catching something before it falls to the ground)
Nate: Donít let anything break.
(Eliot hits the second guard in the face with the object he caught then puts it back on the shelf. Another guard hits him in the back with a binder, knocking another award off, Eliot catches it, puts it back, and turns to attack the guard. They exchange blows and Eliot knocks the guard back, then puts the binder carefully on the ground. Both guards attack Eliot at once, but he fights them off, knocking one into the shelves. Eliot lunges to catch a trophy before it falls to the ground, and one of the guards falls on him. Parker enters with a bin and points to her mouth, then to Eliot, where he is bleeding)
Parker (imitating ET): Ouch.
Eliot: Parker, would you stop with that? And help me get these damn guys off my back!
(Parker helps Eliot get the man off his back)
Eliot: Pick the guys up and put them in the bin.
(they pick the men up and start loading them in the bin)
Eliot: Hang on.
Eliot: I got an idea.
(later, Kanack looks through the door of the Listening Station and finds only the menís boots)
Kanack: Harold? Miller?
(he enters the room and finds only the CD he told Eliot to burn)
Kanack: Harold! Riley! Miller!
(Kanack finds another pair of boots in the hallway. He continues through the building finding only boots at various locations. Eventually he approaches a set of doors and Eliot falls through them, taking Kanack to the ground with him)
Kanack: What? What? What? What? What happened?! (holds Eliot) Who did this to you?!
Eliot: Itís not who, man. Itís what.
Eliot: They ripped me out of my chair. They opened me up.
Kanack: The aliens? What do they... what do they want?
Eliot: They want the one. Them signals, it wasnít a hello. It was a test.
Kanack: A test for what? A test for what?
Eliot: It was a test. It was... they want the best of the best, man. I told them it was you.
Kanack: Me?! What?!
Eliot: They were hurting me, man. Iím sorry.
Eliot (weakly): Iím sorry. (passes out)
Kanack: Riker. Come on. No, no. Come on. Riker! Riker! What... Riker. (scrambles away, running through the halls)
(Kanack enters and darkens all the lights, leaving only the security cameras on. A bright light shines outside the room, flooding the area. Kanack panics and runs)
(Eliot sits up, looking around)
Eliot: That sucked.
(Hardison and Nate are watching the monitors)
Hardison: Huh. Marvin does change the channel.
(they watch as Kanack enters his office and picks up a golf putter)
Hardison: Oh, come on. These dudes traveled 10,000 light-years to get here. Youíre gonna scare them off with a putter?
Nate: Okay, Sophie, youíre up.
Sophie: Just so you know, I really, really hate you.
Nate: Hmm. Donít worry. Itís perfectly safe. Ish.
(lights, monitors and phones are going crazy)
Kanack (answering phone): Hello? Hello?! (trying cell phone) Hello?
Nate: Parker, cue the music.
(a high pitched ringing sound is heard. Kanack covers his ears)
(Hardison and Parker place several speakers outside of Karnackís window)
(Karnack continues to panic as a bright green light shines into the room the coffee maker spouts coffee, and the refrigerator throws pop cans across the room)
(Parker puts something into the coffee maker and Hardison installs compressed air in the refrigerator)
(Karnack looks up to see Sophie pounding on the window, the light shining behind her)
Sophie: Please, Mr. Kanack! Mr. Kanack, please let me in, Mr. Kanack! Please, Mr. Kanack! Let me in! Mr. Kanack, please! Mr. Kanack, let me in!
Sophie: Itís not me they want, Mr. Kanack! Itís... (begins levitating up the glass) No! No! (is sucked away into a vortex of light) No!
(Karnack stares at the glass, overwhelmed)
(Parker strips a climbing harness from Sophie as Eliot fiddles with machinery and Hardison and Nate exit the van)
Sophie: Thatís the last time that I lie about playing Peter Pan on Broadway.
Hardison: I programmed the electronics and the lighting to go haywire intermittently for the rest of the night.
Hardison: You donít think heíll try to leave?
(Karnack crouches in a corner, still panicked)
Nate: Would you?
Parker: This gives me a good idea.
Hardison: Whatever it is, no.
Nate: That was nice work back there, Elliot.
Eliot (with accent): Oh, man, he flipped. He flipped like a coin. I wish Lenny would have seen it. (normal voice) Hardison gave me the alias, and then Sophie helped me build the character. (walks away)
Sophie: Oh, we just gave him layers. You know, I donít know why Stanley Kubrick made directing look so hard. Itís... itís not that hard.
(Kanack is crouched under his desk still holding the putter. The office is a mess)
Bryden: James. What are you...? What are you doing?
Kanack: Donít let them get me. Donít let them get me. Donít let them get me.
Bryden (pulls Kanack out from under desk): Look, look, itís gonna be okay. Itís gonna be okay.
Kanack: Donít let them get me.
Bryden: Who? Who?
Kanack: Them. Them. (sits down)
Bryden: You havenít slept, okay? You need rest. Now, Iím gonna go tell the press to come back tomorrow.
Bryden: Iím gonna tell the press to come back tomorrow.
Kanack: The press are here?
Kanack: Right now?
Kanack: No. Oh... okay. (stands) No, I got to... I got this. I got to tell them. I got to be the one to tell them. I got to tell them that I made first contact. Iím good. Letís go.
Bryden: Excuse me. Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for waiting. Thank you. Members of the press, today, we are pleased to announce the sale of the Kanack Hybrid Jet Engine...
Kanack (pushes Bryden out of the way): No, no, no, no, no. Weíre not doing that. Weíre not doing that! What I have to say to you today is so much bigger than that. In fact, it rivals any discovery in human history. Thereís fire, the wheel, electricity, and what Iím about to tell you. Now, as many of you already know, I have the largest array of radio telescopes on the west coast. Two days ago, I received this message from outer space. (shows a series of numbers on an overhead projector) Thatís right, ladies and gentlemen. I, James Kanack, have made first contact...
(Eliot walks into the room)
Kanack: Youíre dead. Youíre dead. I saw you die. I saw you die. You went up in their ship. You said that they probed you.
(Eliot pretends he doesnít know what Kanack is talking about. Sophie enters the room)
Kanack: Whatís going on?
(a low buzzing begins to sound)
Do you... do you hear that? Thatís them! You hear that, right? Thatís them!
Parker: Thank you for your cooperation. (places a device on Kanackís back)
Kanack: Right this way, please.
(Eliot passes out in Kanackís arms)
(Kanack spins, looking for the source of sound. The device is still on the back of his jacket)
Kanack: What... What the... what... No!
(press begins to leave the room)
Kanack: Why are you after me?! I didnít do anything! I... I didnít decipher the message! You donít want me! You want the... he did it! He did it... right there! She did it! Go after them! Donít probe me!
Nate (to Executive): Oh, you remember Oren Metz, the real inventor of the hybrid jet engine. Why donít you two get acquainted?
(Oren shows Executive his notebook)
Executive: Those are your sketches.
Oren: Uh, yes, sir.
Executive (leading Oren away): Okay.
Kanack: Wait. Where are you going? No, no, no, no, no, no! Sit down! I have the message right here. Everybody, sit down! Listen.
(Hardison enters his work area)
Eliot: Okay, Elliot, there are two files encrypted in this message. Play the first one for Kanack. Itís the Mayan code. Burn the second one to the CD. Itís a masterpiece.
(Hardisonís chase music begins to play)
Kanack: No, come on. Come on! What is this?! Come on! Whatís going on?! Come on. No!
(Nate, Sophie and Eliot turn to go)
Eliot: Yeah, well, I just had that song out of my head.
Sophie: Well, itís catchy.
Kanack: Hey! Wait, no! No, help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!
(Nate pauses to look at Kanack through the window)
Oren: You cleared my name. Braddock Aeronautics offered me a research position to continue developing my engine.
Nate: Thatís fantastic.
Oren: I-I canít thank you enough, Mr. Ford.
Nate: Well, you know, actually, I should be thanking you.
Oren: For what?
Nate: For reminding me to listen. I appreciate it. (they shake)
Sophie: Nate... Why didnít you tell him that you created a research grant in his name?
Nate: Oh, his joy is in his work. He doesnít care about recognition. I just didnít read him right from the start.
Sophie: I knew youíd get there eventually.
Nate: Well, what happens when ďeventuallyĒ comes too late?
(Parker enters with a picnic basket and flowers)
Hardison: Hey. Problem? (sees basket) Oh. Well, a picnic under the stars. You listened.
Parker: Everythingís ruined with this stupid rain. Iím sorry. I tried.
Hardison: Close your eyes. Close them. Donít peek. Close them. (dims the lights and turns on pin lights) Nothing is ruined. Okay. Now.
(Parker looks around and smiles)
Parker (points finger at Hardisonís heart, imitating ET): Iíll be right here.